An Open Letter to Carrie Prejean: Please go away.

Dear Miss Prejean,

I’ve recently noticed that you’re back in the headlines.  I’m not sure how I managed to come by this news an entire day late, seeing as how your face is plastered all over television and the internet… including cnn.com (who incidentally posts your name as a link when I click on the WORLD NEWS tab??).  Apparently, your fate is as urgent and newsworthy as swine flu, the Air France crash, a shooting at the Holocaust Museum, and journalists sentenced to prison time in North Korea.  If I seem a bit… agitated, please don’t take it personally.  Truthfully, if your name wasn’t smothering the internet, and by extension… me, I’m fairly certain it would be impossible for me to care less about you or the fate of your ‘job’.  You are but one incredibly skinny, toothy, homophobic young girl, and the fault of this entire spectacle lies with many and must be measured in degrees.

First, it must be said that yes, I am a pretty hardcore feminist.  I live in New York City, so you might say it’s a matter of survival.  As a result of this conditioning, I, along with many, may have developed a sort of… irrational hostility toward the more whimsical lot of our gender.  But I am also (I hope) reasonably open-minded, and sincerely believe that the women’s movement is about freedom of choice:  Freedom to marry or not, freedom to procreate or not, to work or not, to live as we see fit… for ourselves. 

That being said, I do feel a need to tell you that beauty pageants are bullshit… and socially destructive.  And the fact that women like you continue to defend them is really just shameful.  I’m sure you’ve heard that before.  I’ve certainly heard arguments to the contrary.  And I might accept the notion that they foster community outreach and philanthropy… except for the simple fact that there are pageants all over the country that encourage (in fact, urge) 7-year-old girls to wear trampy 80s makeup and parade the stage like creepy, nymphety Lolitas, who are made to sing and dance for applause… and that is how they know they are loved.  Seriously… shut up about pageants being positive.  They’re gross… and offensive.  And yeah, you’re not 7, but you still prance around in a bathing suit and atrocious sequinned gowns.  While that shouldn’t solely bring your intelligence into question, I do give you:

… as exhibit A.  I think it’s safe to say that… thoughts… are not a major criteria on the pageant circuit.  But C, I know that’s not entirely your fault (Donald, we’ll talk about this later).  And if that’s your bag, have at it, girl.  I’m just saying if it were me… I’d feel a little filthy weird about it.  

I also find your politics infuriating, but we’re totally beyond that now.  Because in truth, your time in the spotlight is just a giant perversion of feminism and  -really- decency.  From what the Don is saying, you got fired for not doing your job.  Sweetie, that’s not injustice.  That’s called work.  Those two journalists I mentioned earlier?  They also happen to be women.   And at the time of their arrest, they were working on a documentary exposing the trafficking of women across the border of N. Korea and China.  They’ve been sentenced to twelve years of hard labor.  Yeah… you bumped them off the ticker.  

So while you may truly and wholeheartedly believe that you’ve been wronged, and that your Miss California title was stripped from you as some sort of exercise in liberal bullying, I just think a little perspective might serve you well.  I hope this letter finds you tiring of all the media attention, but… I’m a realist.  Perhaps you should take a vacation to recoup from all of this pageant turmoil.  Preferably somewhere far away… and remote… 

-J-