Top 5 Reasons NOT to date a Musician
I’m helping a few friends through the jungles of online dating and thought that maybe I should pass my dating knowledge onto the world. Mistakes? I’ve made a few, but then again, too few to mention! Well, actually I’m going to list them for y’all to save some heartache, some money, and a crap ton of time.
Some background, I’ve had 5 serious boyfriends. Of the 4 that I’m not currently dating, three are married and one has a child. I talk to two of them regularly, and consider one of the two among my very best friends. The third I speak to on occasion on Facebook and the last has disappeared and can only be tracked via imdb.
Make sense?
So, from all that experience I’m going to give you my first piece of advice which I’ve entitled:
“If I have to listen to one more person sing me “Brown Eyed Girl” shirtless with an acoustic guitar I’m going to kill myself”
Lesson 1: Don’t date musicians
1. It’s a time commitment
I’m sure you’ve gone to see your friends’ bands play and they’re a pretty good break every month or so. Everybody mingles, you learn the words sort of and you have a great time. Now take that experience and multiply it by ONE MILLLION. Sister, you have to go to EVERY show, you even have to go to practice! You have to go to the shows in the basement at Jewish Community Centers at 5pm on a Sunday. You have to sit in the back of a van and unload a drum kit in New Jersey on Tuesdays. You have to stand behind a merch table in the back of a crowded club and dodge flying bodies from the mosh pit (true story, had bruises and got punched in the face). If you want to see your boyfriend at all you have to go to everything, and if you miss just one you’re in a ton of trouble and clearly don’t understand his passions.
2. They’re not going to be very good
Let’s face it, Justin Timberlake is not knocking on your door (he may be knocking on my sisters, if all goes to plan, but still). So not only do you have to go to a million shows you have to go to a million “eh” shows. I can tell you right now that the green room at CBGBs was a cesspool, and they don’t get much better anywhere else. More often than not you’ll either find yourself sitting on a couch drinking free beers surrounded by smoking 19 year olds, or at the bar. (note, drink tickets are a plus) It’ll progressively get worse if they start recording, you’re going to have to put it on your Ipod. Several times I’ve been listening to my ‘pod on random and thought “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!” and then felt bad.
3. They’re probably going to cheat on you
Picture this: You spend the night with the lead singer of a band. He makes you dinner, you drink wine, you talk secrets all night. You’re pretty freaking happy! The next night you see a random friend at one of his shows… she sees you. “Hey what are you doing here!”s ensue. And oh, turns out her friend is the lead singers GIRLFRIEND. Um. Excuse me? Awkward. It’s super romantic to think that Jon Bon Jovi married his highschool girlfriend, but ladies do remember that he freaking left her for Diane Lane. When DL broke JBJ’s heart he wrote “You give love a bad name” and back to the old gf. What’s worse? Having him leave and come back, or having one of his most awesome songs be about her?
4. They’re going to write songs about you
Both good and bad. I’ve had two. One was written post break up and is called something like “love heartbroken” and has lyrics that sound something like “she was awesome but I freaking hate her guts right now.” Thanks, I’ll send that one to my Mom. One (which thank god I can’t find on line) was even on the radio in Vegas! Heeeey look at me! I can’t remember the exact chorus but it goes something like “Missing you is like going days without water, not getting to hold you feels like torture, if this is what it’s like to be without your touch then I’ll seeee you in my dreaaaaaaaams.” I’m getting pangs of embarrassment as I type this, I used to play this song for people. In college I had that guys freaking HEADSHOT autographed by my bed. What? That doesn’t even make sense.
5. There is possibility for VERY embarrassing things
As embarrassing as it is to have a mediocre boy band song written about you, it can get worse. You have to make small talk with other girlfriends of band members and there’s hardly anything to say. You have to endure people telling you that the songs are super good, when you know that they’re lying. You’re probably going to have to crawl onto the stage and deliver bottles of water to the members mid-set. But it’s not even that that’s the worst of it. Sometimes you find yourself totally overcome with the urge to sing along at the top of your lungs and there are never more than 5 people doing this. Sometimes you’re so desperate to catch your boyfriend’s eye that you’ll find yourself standing on couches and tables waving like a lunatic. You begin to hate every female in the room, you get so overcome with jealousy that you turn into a crazy person. At its worst you may start requesting “Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel every single day! Someday you may even find yourself in Germany where you accidentally kiss a lunatic who happens to be the lead singer of a band. You’re suckered into watching him play and he decides that it makes sense to announce that his guitar is his “baby.” THEN he turns red and looks at you and says IN FRONT OF EVERY ONE “I mean… my second baby.” Oh dear sweet lord erase that memory from my brain!
Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast. A musician will do the same thing over and over each night and you have to BE there! Plus, he’ll leave on tour and you have no idea what he’s doing while he’s gone, I’m telling you right now I don’t trust him. It’s not a lifestyle made for dating, so go buy yourself a CD of a band you actually like and spend your days fantasizing about dating the bassist. Just keep it a fantasy, your heart will thank you.
Which brings me to next weeks column:
“My love 4 you is like tree it grows higher each day”
Lesson 2: Don’t date Europeans
** image via http://www.whosdatedwho.com/ which is awesome, btw **
While I have written a song for someone I have thankfully never written a song about someone. These are all valid reasons, glad I was never in a band else this could hurt my “game”. Awesome list!
While I have written a song for someone I have thankfully never written a song about someone. These are all valid reasons, glad I was never in a band else this could hurt my “game”. Awesome list!
“Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast.”
Trouble in paradise?
“Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast.”
Trouble in paradise?
Okay, so I read this about half an hour before leaving work, and it cracked me up SO HARD, I forwarded it to my girlfriend, so she could read it before we left work, and we could discuss it.
a) I REMEMBER THAT SONG. I also remember the picture. There is blackmail material in my picture box, and it is AWESOME.
b) “If I have to listen to one more person sing me “Brown Eyed Girl” shirtless with an acoustic guitar I’m going to kill myself”
Is probably the best summary of dating a musician EVER.
c) They’re not going to be very good
YEAH.
I dated a musician, too, at one point (What! It was LOVE, mom! So what if he was MUMBLEMANY years older than me! What we had was REAL! Until summer was over, and I went back to college…) and this? Really resonated! Except for the CBGBs part. He was never THAT cool.
Ah, good times. And this is awesome. I am already anticipating the next installment.
Okay, so I read this about half an hour before leaving work, and it cracked me up SO HARD, I forwarded it to my girlfriend, so she could read it before we left work, and we could discuss it.
a) I REMEMBER THAT SONG. I also remember the picture. There is blackmail material in my picture box, and it is AWESOME.
b) “If I have to listen to one more person sing me “Brown Eyed Girl” shirtless with an acoustic guitar I’m going to kill myself”
Is probably the best summary of dating a musician EVER.
c) They’re not going to be very good
YEAH.
I dated a musician, too, at one point (What! It was LOVE, mom! So what if he was MUMBLEMANY years older than me! What we had was REAL! Until summer was over, and I went back to college…) and this? Really resonated! Except for the CBGBs part. He was never THAT cool.
Ah, good times. And this is awesome. I am already anticipating the next installment.
It’s different if the movie your significant other has made is one you WANT to watch one million times.
It’s different if the movie your significant other has made is one you WANT to watch one million times.
so, being the catalyst for at least a portion of the experiences that populate this list, i feel somewhat compelled to add some qualifiers. i know its all love and bla bla, but you know, the little pride i still do allow myself begs for some clarification…
1.) yes, a couple of those bands were terrible. even i didnt like listening to it. but, as a responsible member, you always look for the best in what you do and try your hardest to make it palatable to your friends who might not otherwise “get it” (even if you yourself dont really get it either). still, those terrible bands were the base for what eventually led me to join some far better, far more interesting, musical endeavors, including european and west coast tours with some of my all time favorite bands. if things continue to go well, ill be able to add japan and south east asia to the list……. all thanks to those jewish conventional hall basement shows. you know how it is, dues must be paid, you just have to stick with it.
2.) you never had to come to all the shows. it was just more fun (well for me at least haha) when you were there. and youre going to have to remind me about the punch in the face, because ive never been to jail, and i probably would have ended up there if i knew you had been “attacked” haha.
3.) no where in the song i wrote about you are you referred to as awesome haha (though i still think you are), but i guarantee, when you hear the final product, youre going to kick yourself for listening to it 100 times before you get sick of it….. for a couple months and then start listening to it all the time all over again. and, its about the whole slew of you (ex’s, heartbreakers, etc), you just got me to finally put it all on paper. p.s. ill bet your mom likes it too when she hears it.
3.) i think you complaints are better described as “why punk rockers/hardcore kids and non punk rockers/hardcore kids shouldnt date.” theres a difference between “musicians” and kids who play instruments. i can fall under both, but no in the ways you complained about. and as far as what happens when someone goes on tour… i think i remember correctly our situation being somewhat flipped
(please excuse the winky face).
at any rate… thanks for your patience through those years. i could barely stand it at points, so i could only imagine what it was like for a girl out of the scene to have to tolerate. its all love tiny mcbigface.
xxx
so, being the catalyst for at least a portion of the experiences that populate this list, i feel somewhat compelled to add some qualifiers. i know its all love and bla bla, but you know, the little pride i still do allow myself begs for some clarification…
1.) yes, a couple of those bands were terrible. even i didnt like listening to it. but, as a responsible member, you always look for the best in what you do and try your hardest to make it palatable to your friends who might not otherwise “get it” (even if you yourself dont really get it either). still, those terrible bands were the base for what eventually led me to join some far better, far more interesting, musical endeavors, including european and west coast tours with some of my all time favorite bands. if things continue to go well, ill be able to add japan and south east asia to the list……. all thanks to those jewish conventional hall basement shows. you know how it is, dues must be paid, you just have to stick with it.
2.) you never had to come to all the shows. it was just more fun (well for me at least haha) when you were there. and youre going to have to remind me about the punch in the face, because ive never been to jail, and i probably would have ended up there if i knew you had been “attacked” haha.
3.) no where in the song i wrote about you are you referred to as awesome haha (though i still think you are), but i guarantee, when you hear the final product, youre going to kick yourself for listening to it 100 times before you get sick of it….. for a couple months and then start listening to it all the time all over again. and, its about the whole slew of you (ex’s, heartbreakers, etc), you just got me to finally put it all on paper. p.s. ill bet your mom likes it too when she hears it.
3.) i think you complaints are better described as “why punk rockers/hardcore kids and non punk rockers/hardcore kids shouldnt date.” theres a difference between “musicians” and kids who play instruments. i can fall under both, but no in the ways you complained about. and as far as what happens when someone goes on tour… i think i remember correctly our situation being somewhat flipped
(please excuse the winky face).
at any rate… thanks for your patience through those years. i could barely stand it at points, so i could only imagine what it was like for a girl out of the scene to have to tolerate. its all love tiny mcbigface.
xxx
that was riddled with spelling errors and way too man “haha”s. this is what happens when you write things at work while your employees are asking you 800 questions every 10 minutes.
xxx
that was riddled with spelling errors and way too man “haha”s. this is what happens when you write things at work while your employees are asking you 800 questions every 10 minutes.
xxx
hahahaha it’s all out of love stinge, you know that!
hahahaha it’s all out of love stinge, you know that!
In my experience of dating rock stars, movie actors, musicians, whatever, the person I date always cheats on me, they would rather make love to their music than to their lover. Im just kidding, but you know it doesnt take a rocket scientist to be a musician it requires luck, skill, and commitment, but it doesnt require faithfullness to anyone. So if you want to find your true love, just marry someone who is like you meaning they look attractive to you, but you still see them on a daily basis, if you dont follow my advice you will be cheated on by someone who does follow my advice, I dont know who random viewer , but it is a universal truth that it is better to see your lover on a daily basis, and for your lover to love you on a daily basis, than it is to have a long distance relationship. It is possible to have a long distance relationship, but it is Hell just take my advice, and you will suffer less anguish over thinking someone is cheating on you. I am giving away free wisdom, if you dont take it and you suffer, and look back at this text, then imagine my face laughing at you.
I’ve dated a few musicians over the years and even married – then divorced – one. Let me tell you, they are not my cup of tea. All that stuff about being able to spend quality time via attending practices and shows? True. Very, very true. I have no memory of me and my musician-lovers ever going on a vacation together just to get away, ever going out for a romantic dinner, ever celebrating an anniversary, or ever doing anything “together” without the band/music/touring. I have no memory of us doing anything the way regular couples do.
Also let me make a comment about sex.
Girls want to date musicians because they are sexually attractive, sexually charged, and seem like they would be dynamite in the sack. Every musician I’ve dated (and my ex-husband) were not only selfish in bed, but boring. However, the average-joe men that I’ve been with, as well as my current fiance who is a theater/english teacher are amazing in bed. They are sensitive, sweet, and know exactly what they are doing.
I’m not saying all musicians fail in bed. But in my experience, that seems to be the case. So I often wonder if, on a much larger scale, this phenomenon might be true.
I highly encourage women to consider dating writers, thinkers – men who are more involved in literature and performance art. They still have that charisma that draws an audience to them whilst on stage, but they are not as egotistical, they actually have a brain, and their free time is way more dedicated to their loved ones – including you. Plus if you want to get involved with them…it’s actually fun. You can help do makeup, create costumes and build sets. You can do audio/sound design (if you are so talented) and entire audiences will be amazed (and aware) of the work you put into doing a show. Plus your name is put on the bill and every gets to read it and when the play/musical is over, people (of all types, not just insane little girls) will come up to you and tell you what a wonderful job you did with the music, or the costumes, or the makeup etc. It is very rewarding.
Also most theaters are nice, air-conditioned, and clean.
And there are not any groupies. Just a bunch of artists and performers – very interesting people to talk to. More often than not, you make REAL friends with REAL people and those friendships last a lifetime.
So. I come across these things every now and then, out of whim, I search this kind of stuff, and never have I not been surprised by what I read.
I disagree with just about everything this says…Everything.
If you get with a guy for the band aspect, because yes, even I will admit there’s something about a performer that is incredibly attractive, then maybe you are signing up for all of these things…but in my experience, things are completely different.
My love is in a semi-successful band. Honestly, i dont even know what they consider themselves in that aspect…but anyway..
I have never ever been included in anything having even slightly to do with the band. I attend shows as support from time to time, but usually its just when they play with a big name.
My boyfriend, and his band mates, are all the same, they DO NOT get the girls involved at all…ever…With the exception of maybe one of them, but Im not so sure.
If your guy being in a band is a plus to you, you shouldnt be together….
I know the lyrics to maybe one song, and only because my little sister loves the band.
My boyfriend would hate it if I actually liked their music.
There’s a difference between dating a responsible musician, one that is really in it as a career, and one that does it half-assed, and for the scene.
I also have never had a song written about, nor for me…But I would like it…either way.
There’s just so much misconception, its annoying. When you date a musician who has an actual passion for music, you’re gonna get something completely different than that jackass lead singer of a mediocre band that plays in crappy clubs every other weekend.
The only complaints I actually have are those that seem selfish.
A musician’s head almost revolves around music, and the band…Actually, most times, my boyfriend isnt really passionate about the band, but he takes it on like a job..most times…The party scene is extra.
Everything is about music, and its almost impossible to agree on music taste. You’ll never want to sing or play or anything in front of them, for fear of not being good enough.
They’re devoted, its pure passion, and its inhibits their head…It can be annoying…
Instability. Everything goes towards the band..Its work, make music, and band…thats about it. They make enough to live, and everything else goes to music..so, yeah, dont ever expect to go out, unless you’re partying.
Oh…and about being good in the sack…
Haha…it is not the same for everyone…Thats for sure.
Though, there is that side of “Shit, he’s fucking awesome because he’s been with so many people”.
Yeah, that one sucks.
So, basically, you have to be cut out to be with a musician…or it will never survive. You have to get the right one, just like with any other guy.
Well..I have more to say, but, this is already too terribly long.
LOL… this made me laugh. A lot. I’m not sure you’re even gonna receive this comment, but I was about to post a little dig at some friends of mine on facebook, including the lyrics to a song, and I googled them just to be sure they were right…
Lo and behold, the only link I find to that song is yours. The lyrics you’re so embarrassed to put up here are from a song by ’4 Now’… my college roomie was dating one of the guys from the band, and I can remember listening to their demo with her.
Too friggin’ funny…