I love board games.

I mean, really, who doesn’t?  (I’m assuming you do, or you wouldn’t have gotten this far in this post – even though it’s just the first paragraph.)  In fact, I love them so much that I have a blog dedicated simply to board games (it’s called Board Game Reviews by Josh; you know, because my name is Josh.)

So, when I was asked to name the Top Ten board games, I was quite flattered, excited, and honestly overwhelmed. There are only… well, 50,000 to choose from (that’s not an exaggeration). And I’ve only played 100′s of them personally. So, keep in mind two things:

1) I love lots of games that I had to cut from this list and
2) you can comment and tell me which ones I missed, because there are probably over 49,500 that I still need to try.

Finally, if you’re curious about what you see, I’ve added a link to a review of each of the games – check them out and I’m sure that you’ll find at least one that you will fall in love with! Without further ado, here we go:

10. Dominion

This game created and continues to define a genre. It’s called a “deck building game” because you spend the game building a deck of cards from common piles in front of you. It’s quick to play, but incredibly engaging! You will rarely stop playing after only one try.

9. PitchCar

Just because it’s a “board game” doesn’t mean it has to be strategic. PitchCar is all about dexterity – who can flick their car around the track the fastest. You can go for the power shot, but if you go flying off the board then it was a wasted turn! Simple enough that anyone can enjoy it, fun enough that everyone will want to join in. Fortunately, it can be played with up to 8 players (for a very crowded track).

8. Lord of the Rings: The (Living) Card Game

The oddball on the list, this game doesn’t actually use a board of any kind. Yet, with the continually released expansions, this game is a fresh experience almost every time you play it. What’s more – it’s the only cooperative game that made my list; so if you’re looking for a good game to play with your friends instead of against them, this is a good one to try.

7. Dvonn

Abstract and beautiful. Dvonn is hard to put into words, but is a masterfully crafted abstract strategy game, and more people should know it!

6. Summoner Wars

This might be the best two-player game ever created. With the different number of races that can be played, it is hard to master Summoner Wars. Yet, only taking about 30 minutes per game, you can still find yourself spending hours trying.

5. Battlestar Galactica

Probably the longest game on this list, a game of Battlestar Galactica can easily take over two hours. However, the intrigue of trying to figure out which of your friends is the cylon that is trying to betray you can make all of that time worth it! (Just make sure that you catch them before you start feeling that knife in your back.)

4. Heroscape

Ah, Heroscape. This is probably the biggest “mass market” game on this list, which allowed thousands (if not millions) of people to try this masterpiece. With a customizable board, dozens of armies, and a fairly simple ruleset, Heroscape is a wonderful mix of depth and excitement.

3. Ra

If you’re looking for a game about auctions, Ra is for you. This is currently at the top of my list of auction games, and depending on the day of the week could easily sneak into my #1 spot for games overall!

2. Risk 2210 AD

One of the first games that got me into this world of board gaming, Risk 2210 takes what you are comfortable with (the classic game of Risk) and adds several new elements to make for a brilliant new experience. The only war game to crack my list, I have played Risk 2210 dozens, if not hundreds, of times.

1. Puerto Rico

I debated this, but didn’t figure I could justifiably put any game other than Puerto Rico as my overall #1. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Puerto Rico should be constantly blushing. I can think of three games off the top of my head (that are all fun to play!) that borrow heavily from the mechanics of Puerto Rico. Yet, with all the imitators, there is still not a game that beautifully balances as many strategic decisions into as elegant of an experience as Puerto Rico.

Word lovers can be an odd bunch.

We get stuck on words – repeat our favorites out loud too often, sing them, roll them around in our mouths like marbles. We sneak big words into conversation when smaller words will do – just to test their reality out in the world. We give friends and family out-there nicknames because we like their staccato or assonance. Some of our favorite movies, books and poems can be boiled down to a few word choices that blew us away. (Song of Myself’s “barbaric yawp” or Fight Club’s “I am Jack’s…”) Word choice affects us in ways we might be embarrassed to admit – it dictates what websites we visit and don’t visit (sorry Microsoft, The Sopranos owns the word bing). It tells us what brands we choose to buy (Adidas > Asics) what bands we listen to (Arcade Fire, Velvet Underground) and might even decide more mundane things like the car we drive (Corolla is the all-time bestseller – love that word).

What makes a word beautiful? To borrow from Lee Thornton, words have three forms of existence: the sonic (its pronunciation), the aesthetic (its shape) and its meaning (both objectively and the way we feel its meaning). Our favorite words either shine in one category, or hit a home run on all three counts. Often onomatopoeia plays a role, giving our favorite words that little something extra when they exude their meaning in their pronunciation.

I won’t even pretend to make a list which is in any way objective. Instead, here are my top ten, starting at #10 (I didn’t want to mar the words with numbers). I hope this adds some words to your favorites list. If you have a minute, please return the favor and add your favorite words in the comments. Bonus points for explaining your love.

tranquil

Because its sound suggests the serene sea it describes. Spanish one-ups it with ‘tranquilo’ giving it more balance.

aphrodisiac

An ancient word from the Greeks dolled up to describe catalysts to the procreant urge of the world.

awesome

No word better represents our inability to nuance, describing most anything with a word meant to classify only the most daunting.

onanistic

A dirty Biblical word in academic clothing, it lets us label things as so many things need to be labeled these days: masturbatory.

delirium

The most beautiful word for madness, with a whiff of the euphoric. Aesthetically and sonically sublime.

fuck

A word impregnated by every meaning under the sun – entire sentences can be built out of it, entire books use it as a fulcrum. For centuries it’s the single word that guarantees reaction.

inexorable

Sound it out – it turns like the gear powering the steamroller it represents.

liminal

An impossibly onomatopoeic word, the very boundaries it describes represented by the “l” at either end of it, and the space it occupies sang by the way it’s breathed.

ethereal

Like its definition, a word that sounds too perfect for this world – too delicate, wispy and insubstantial. Catching it in prose, it feels like seeing a rare specimen in captivity. Saying it sounds like breathing out stardust.

nepenthe

The most beautiful word in our language – aesthetically (it dips under to rise again), sonically (the consonant hardness of the P carried through by the whisper of the suffix) and in meaning (a drug that banishes grief through forgetfulness). As old as Homer and only made more beautiful by the passing millennia.

10. Donald Byrd: Flight Time/Nas: NY State of Mind

9. Dennis Edwards: Don’t Look Any Further/Eric B. & Rakim: Paid In Full

8. Grand Funk Railroad: Nothing is the Same/The Roots: Rising Down

7. Billy Brooks: Forty Days/A Tribe Called Quest: Luck of Lucien

6. Wendy Rene: After Laughter (Comes Tears)/Wu-Tang Clan: Tearz

5. Cris Williamson: Shine On Straight Arrow/JayLib (J Dilla and MadLib): The Red

4. The Jackson Five: Maybe Tomorrow/Ghostface Killah: All That I Got Is You

3. Prague Orchestra: Maria Religiosa/Nas and Jay-Z: Black Republicans

2. Ann Peebles: Trouble, Heartbreak & Sadness/Gza featuring Method Man: Shadowboxin

1. Marvin Gaye: Make Me Wanna Holler/Papoose: Flashback

My brother Jesse and me, with a spray-painted snowman in front of our childhood home, circa 1987.

Excuse me while I get a little personal. Back in September I went to visit my parents for a full 12 days. For the first time in my entire adult life, I wasn’t compelled to immediately go do something else. Sure, I had lunch dates with friends, and fit in a little karaoke. But on a whole, I mostly spent my time hanging out with my parents. And not only did no one die from it, but in fact no one wanted to kill anyone else either. Spending time with my parents was not only pleasant, but (gasp!) actually enjoyable. Each day my mom taught me how to make something different out of the secret family recipe book. My dad and I went blueberry hunting and happened upon a black bear. We all watched procedural dramas and ate dinner on the couch with the dogs. My mom shared her snuggie. My dad shared the car. For the first time since they moved across the country, Seattle really felt like home.

This week I had surgery. Nothing too serious – the kind where they kick you home the same day with a stockpile of percocet. But also the kind where I’m on (absolutely bored out of my mind) bedrest for a week. And I miss having my mom here. (Sorry dad.) It got me thinking about home. The idea of home as something ephemeral. Transient, even. Musicians across all genres have tried to capture this in song to varying degrees of success, and I’ve spent the last three days in bed (as instructed) culling the possibilities down to a suitable mix.

Mom, Dad, I don’t say it enough, but… Thanks. This mix is for you.

And Without Further Ado, The Top Ten Songs for Being Home Away From Home (Okay, okay, there are 11 songs, not 10. Sue me.):

1. Christina Perri – Arms
I shazamed this song when I heard it on the radio while driving back from Massachusetts on September 11th. It planted the seeds for wanting to make this mix in the first place.

…I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope that you catch me ’cause I’m already falling. I’ll never let a love get so close. You put your arms around me and I’m home…

2. Billy Joel – You’re My Home
I knew this song existed, and I could almost hear it in my brain, but I kept thinking it was Jim Croce or Neil Diamond or someone else whose records my dad made me listen to as a child.

…Well I never had a place that I could call my very own, but that’s alright my love ’cause you’re my home…

3. Chantal Kreviazuk – It Feels Like Home To Me
I will never forget the first time I heard this song. Scott Fried was singing it. That remains the loveliest version of this Randy Newman song I have ever heard, but the CK version is a close second. (Not to overdue references to Neil Diamond, but he also covers this song, and it reminds me of Horatio Caine in CSI:Miami.)

…Feels like home to me, feels like I’m all the way back where I come from. Feels like home to me, feels like home to me, feels like I’m all the way back where I belong…

4. O.A.R. – I Feel Home
This band takes me back to college.

…I feel home, when I see the faces that remember my own. I feel home, when I’m chilling outside with the people I know. I feel home, and that’s just what I feel. Home to me is reality, and all I need something real…

5. The Magnetic Fields – You’re My Only Home
I love how many songs off of the 69 Love Songs triptych are actually really really sad.

…I will stay if you let me stay, and I’ll go if you let go; but I won’t go far away because you’re my only home…

6. Adele – Lovesong
Yes, a cover of The Cure, but I like this version better.

…Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again. Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again…

7. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home
I almost missed including this one because it is just so obvious.

…Home, let me come home, home is wherever I’m with you. Home, yes I am home. Home is whenever I’m with you…

8. Talking Heads – This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)
The first dance song at the wedding of my friends Koven and Madelyn.

…Home – is where I want to be, but I guess I’m already there. I come home, she lifted up her wings - guess that this must be the place…

9. 3 Doors Down – Your Arms Feel Like Home
From my g-chat with Alice while finalizing the song list for this mix: “I am currently listening to Talking Heads and wondering what kind of person finds it appropriate to put them on a mix with 3 Doors Down and if I will be judged in the afterlife for this decision.” For the record, I’m sure the answer is yes.

…I don’t care if I lost everything that I have known. It don’t matter where I lay my head tonight, your arms feel like home…

10. The Cinematic Orchestra – To Build A Home
Another sad one. But it has pretty piano!

…There is a house built out of stone, wooden floors, walls and window sills; tables and chairs worn by all of the dust. This is a place where I don’t feel alone; this is a place where I feel at home… Cause, I built a home for you, for me…

11. Chris Colfer (ft. Cory Monteith) - A House Is Not a Home
This song is so often covered, it was hard to pick a version. Helping to oversaturate is that it is an American Idol stand-by, highlighted in what seems like every season whether or not they have a Burt Bacharach week. I went with the Glee one, which gave me chills the first time I heard it.

…A chair is still a chair even when there’s no one sitting there. But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home, when there’s no one there to hold you tight, and no one there you can kiss goodnight…

Several ways to listen to this. Some browsers strip the streaming code, but if yours isn’t one of them, hit play below. If you have no idea what I am talking about, you can listen to this mix on 8tracks here. Or listen to it on rdio here. If you think of any I missed, feel free to leave them in the comments. Enjoy! 

Ah, the nooner. When it comes down to it, there’s really little better in life than some sunny day, post-lunch pounding. Warm chocolate chip cookies and Point Break might come close, but even marathon sexcapades that happen after hours lack the spontaneous joie de vivre and raw gratuitous raunch of a midday rogering session.

And what takes those noontime occupations of Vagistan and raises them into the realm of holy coital Valhalla is some perfectly chosen music that keeps it fun, maybe a touch frolicsome, and definitely full of the right kind of drilltastic energy.

And this, friends, is what I hope to help you with.

These ten songs, listed with YouTube videos, and a Grooveshark mix HERE and at the end, should help stratospherize your diurnal jollies.

1. D’yer Maker – Led Zeppelin

This is the sexiest song that exists, objectively speaking. That boat-rocking, boots-knocking rhythm. Those choruses that each build to mini-climaxes. That sweltering, sweaty guitar riff. I’ve always wondered how many couples have fucked to this song live at Zeppelin concerts. (Oh the 70s…) Anyways, you need a strong starter song to set the mood immediately – and here it is.

2. Quattro (World Drifts In) – Calexico

It’s the rhythm with this one. They just nailed that rhythm. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that you could loop the first eight bars of this song for hours, and that’d be the perfect sex soundtrack. Still, the horn swells that start making cameos after the first verse are also pretty damn titillating. (And I use that word mammographically.) Romantics, there’s a bit of croonery in the verses that help the mood a bit. But mostly, I just can’t get enough of that sexotic interplay between the drums and the bass.

3. Come Back – Josh Rouse

The bass is fingers crawling up and down her back. To be honest, this wasn’t even a contender until I saw Josh Rouse live a few years ago, and realized the effect this had on the ladies in the audience. The bridge really seals the deal, with it’s ever more insistent repetitions of “Come Back, Come Back, Come Back”.

4. When the Levee Breaks – Led Zeppelin

I’ve got no qualms about putting two Zeppelin songs on here, as Zeppelin were indisputably The Sex. The most famous drum loop of all time builds and builds and builds with those catastrophic guitar riffs mounting like storm clouds. This song is reserved for those real mattress-breaking, fists-punching-into-the-walls sexpocalyptic sessions where the neighbors call the cops thinking they heard you murder your spouse. Consider yourself warned.

5. Whatever – Jill Scott

And after that mid-mix zenith of pipe laying fury – and the end of your session if your nooner was also a quickie – this is the cool down song. And what a song. Breezy, breezy soul. And with lyrics like this, it’s the perfect groove.

You pulled some tricks out your sleeve last night
Everything I fantasize about
You had me climbing up a wall
How many ways was God called
You represented in the fashion of the truly gifted
You put it down last night
Knocked me out then had me dreaming bout waking up, alright…

6. At the River – Groove Armada

The chill vibe continues – there’s something so sunny but so sensually languorous about this song. The mood just flows and flows…

7. No Ordinary Love – Sade

While D’yer Maker is as sexy as songs get, this is the best bumping uglies song out there, no question. If the foreplay has lasted too long (which is a nooner no-no – got to race back to the office in time, dudes!) this song should provide a much needed transition into good old fashioned log jamming.

8. Home – Zero 7

Zero 7’s entire first album, When It Falls, is the quintessential midday fuck soundtrack – you should nab that album before your next nooner. It’s perfect. Home is the standout track – you can feel the heat waves emanating from it. Silky smooth vocals, a sweetly droning sax, and some sparse guitar strings set the stage – and then gradually it builds and builds – not to an earth shattering crescendo (see When the Levee Breaks) but instead a really lovely wall of sound. And after it builds, it breaks down. Summer sexcapade perfection.

9. Anytime, Anyplace – Janet Jackson

First off, if you’re over twenty-five you remember pre-Nipplegate Janet Jackson – specifically the “Janet”-era Ms.Jackson, with the famous breastal Rolling Stone cover – and that Janet was enough to get anyone off. Even if you don’t make those sex-goddess associations with her, this song’s slinky riffs, Janet’s sultry croon, and those delicious pauses, make this one a slowburner. Let it ride…

10. Prototype – Outkast

Andre 3000’s Love Below was a mixed crop with one best-song-ever track – but Prototype is a bit of a hidden gem, as it’s a great afterglow track. You can close it out with this one.

Following are 10 core songs (plus a few key honorable mentions) that provided the soundtrack to when the hero was training for a fight, or was at the big game, or needed the courage to just step up and do what needed to be done. This is the soundtrack that is going to get me to my launch date. There are videos for reference, but you can stream the whole thing at the bottom as well.

Chariots of Fire – Vangelis – Theme from Chariots of Fire
I never actually knew what this movie was about, as I’d never seen it. But now I want to.

Rocky 3 – Survivor – Eye of the Tiger
I almost cut this out of fear it was too cliche, but then I remembered the theme of this mix.

Karate Kid – Joe Esposito – You’re The Best Around
Sweep the leg! (Come on, you know you were thinking it, too.)

St. Elmo’s Fire – John Parr – Man in Motion
I’ll be honest, I really love the other song (For Just A Moment – Love Theme) from this movie way more but it didn’t fit as well.

Short Circuit 2 – Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero
Yeah, this is also from Footloose. Who knew Bonnie Tyler was such an inspirational lightening rod?

Flashdance – Irene Cara – What A Feeling
This won an Academy Award for Best Song, a Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, a Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song, and an American Music Awards for Best R&B Female Artist and Best Pop Single of the Year. And yeah, it was also in The Full Monty.

Iron Eagle – King Kobra – Iron Eagle (Never Say Die)
Um, if you only watch one video in this entire list, do your self a favor and make it this one.

Teen Wolf – Mark Safan – Win In The End
100% this is the precursor to the amazingness of the final scenes in High School Musical (any of them.)

Mannequin – Starship – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
I honestly did not remember that this song was from this movie. But I knew it had to have been from some 80s movie. It was too inspirational not to be.

Top Gun – Kenny Loggins – Danger Zone
Duh.

Honorable Mentions:
These songs were either a) 80′s songs that were not actually in movies as the soundtrack to the training/go-get-’em scenes, or b) 100% fit the criteria, they were just a decade or two behind.

Europe – The Final Countdown
I realize that this is not a movie. It’s not even tv – it’s a bad video of someone’s tv. However, I couldn’t picture this mix without Gob Bluth.

Queen – I Want It All
This was not in any movie. But I do – I want it all. Or at the very least I want to launch this project on time.

Cast of Wet Hot American Summer – Higher and Higher
Okay when I told you earlier to watch the Iron Eagle video, I really meant watch the Wet Hot American Summer one. Chris Meloni has some serious moves.

Cast of High School Musical – We’re All In This Together
I mean, I mentioned it up above, so you had to be somewhat prepared for it. This is the one I send to my co-workers if we are still at our desks and it is after midnight. You’re welcome.

Congratulations! You’ve made it this far – Now you can stream the whole thing! Exclamation point!

Facebook may have begun as a way to keep tabs on other college students but it’s evolved over the years into one of the largest gaming platforms ever created. Millions of people log in every day to play popular games such as Farmville and Mafia Wars, while others play Texas Hold Em poker or puzzle games such as Bejeweled. With tens of thousands of Facebook games available — and nearly all of them free to play — there are plenty of options to choose from no matter what type of game you prefer.

1. Farmville

Love it or hate it, Farmville is one of the most popular and addictive Facebook games out there, letting players maintain and expand their farming operations with a variety of add-ons and help from their Facebook friends. You get all you need for your basic farm but many add-ons cost additional Facebook coints that can be purchased.

2. Mafia Wars

Made by Zynga (the same creators of Farmville), Mafia Wars works in a similar war as far as players relying on friends for help to advance through the game and build their own mafia family from the ground up.

3. Bejeweled Blitz

Bejeweled began as a very popular PC game but the Facebook version is wildly popular as well, letting players and their Facebook friends compete for the top score on the leaderboard as well as win other prizes and contests based on their cumulative weekly scores.

4. CityVille

Yet another game from Zynga that adds a twist to the builder game genre, this one is the largest game on Facebook, offering players the chance to put on their hard hats and build a virtual city from the ground up.

5. Zynga Poker

Zynga dominates the top Facebook game lists and that’s true of the poker game category as well, with millions of players getting their poker fix in each week by playing at Zynga Poker via Facebook.

6. Restaurant City

Another popular game by Zynga, Restaurant City is similar to Farmville but the difference is the method of playing the game. You have to manage your money, your employees, and the restaurant’s type of dishes.

7. Ninja Saga

A Flash RPG game that allows players to create and customize your very own ninja. This game is inspired by and similar to the Naruto anime/manga series. With the wonderful artwork, fun game play no wonder this game has millions of monthly active users.

8. Car Town

A game for car enthusiasts as it features real cars but in a cartoony way. Customize your
avatar and garage, earn money from races, and collect awesome cars. The progress is slow at first but once you get going, players will able to buy more exotic cars.

9. PetVille

This game is similar to it’s rival (Pet Society) but in this game your virtual pet behaves more like a person. Every pet can dance, do Kung Fu kicks, and even put on a rock show to entertain players.

10. FrontierVille

This game combines elements from other Zynga games to create an authentic game. The game is fun and players as lots to do such as farming, looking after your animals, building your own home and even raising your won family.

There are more than 20 million Tumblr blogs at last count. 20 million. Stumble in any direction online and you’ll find yourself drowning in an endless scroll of GIFs, photoshopped velociraptors and OFWGKTA. Tumblrs on everything from cheese people to hungover owls redefine the notion of impulse sharing and spreadable content. But how to sift through the Rowling-vs-Meyer-Rant Tumblrs and Nyan Cat Tumblrs?

Here are ten places you might want to start. I tried to balance the three types of Tumblrs I most often come across:

1. The Ridiculously Specific Tumblr, like Uncomfortable Moments with Putin – sometimes LOLworthy in its laser focus on the mundane, usually has Fuck Yeah in the title.

2. Inpsiration Feed, like Incredibilis – scroll through mind-bending photos and quotes and come out creatively charged/disgusted.

3. Simple Promise – high concept Tumblrs that pique curiosity and only sometimes fulfill the promise of the premise.

So, without further adieu: ten Tumblrs to reblog to your heart’s content, inflating your own Tumblr into deity-like status.

10. Poem Endings/Song Endings

A simple enough premise, Poem Endings and Song Endings serve up a daily last line/verse from poems & songs. It’s the variety I like – with Song Endings, you get Das Racist followed by Leonard Cohen, neighboring Ice Cube, with a dab of Joni Mitchell for good measure. Poem Endings has the same thing going, if you’re a poetry buff – good mix of the confessionals, beats, contemporary and old school poets.

9. Pretty Colors

Pantone heaven.

8. I Studied Abroad In Africa

The blog says it best:

You go to one of those fabulously elitist schools where everyone talks about privilege, classism, racism, sexism, etc. as if they don’t practice it in real life. But in order to really see the world, they decide to go somewhere where they can understand what their privilege looks like. So they choose AFRICA! Yay! A whole continent dedicated to helping white people understand what it means to be poor and undeveloped.

7. Animated Albums

Because scrolling through this Tumblr lets you edit your memories of those 3-hour Tower Records binges, so that all the shelves were chock full of GIFed out CDs.

6. I’m Remembering!

Nostalgia served daily for late Gen Xers and early Millenials. If you were born between ’75-’85, get set adrift on memory bliss. It’s the 80s treasures this blogger digs up that makes this Tumblr brilliant. Remember Popples?

5. The Only Magic Left Is Art

The Tumblr that’s an art museum – a single artist’s work, updated weekly. As wonderful as it sounds.

4. Kim Jong Il Looking At Things

Sure, there’ve been plenty of classic Dictator novels, but do any of them do a better job showing off the daily tedium of being a tyrant than this Tumblr? It’s also fucking hilarious.

3. Better Book Titles

My personal favorite.

This blog is for people who do not have thousands of hours to read book reviews or blurbs or first sentences. I will cut through all the cryptic crap, and give you the meat of the story in one condensed image. Now you can read the greatest literary works of all time in mere seconds!

 

2. Fuck Yeah Eyegasms

The purest distillation of what Tumblrs are all about – cataloguing images that will melt your face off.

1. This Isn’t Happiness

The gold standard of curated content, this is the Tumblr to end all Tumblrs.

Honorable Mention: Names I Call My Junk

Celebrities, authors, philosophers and other luminaries – all brought together by the author’s penchant for naming his member.

10. Recruiting

It is no secret that stability is not something that is very common in the online world. There are hundreds of thousands of guilds in existence at any given time and absolutely nothing that limits a player’s ability to move from one to another. Most guilds will cease to exist within a matter of months, which is the ultimate indicator of poor stability. Those groups that remain often have a high percentage of new faces every few months.

Recruiting, in my opinion, is the cornerstone to building stability. If you let the wrong people into your organization many bad things happen. First, their conflicting views, approaches or methods will create problems that need to be dealt with. When you are busy trying to build a successful organization, you can’t keep fighting fires all day long. Design and implement a recruiting practice that attracts compatible people in personality, goals and play style to increase your chances for success.

9. Rules

The other major factors that can affect stability and success of any guild, especially a fledgling one are your rules and policies. While this goes hand in hand with recruiting, the consideration of what rules and policies to put in place is not something to be taken lightly. When rules and policies exist that are not clearly in line with your guild vision or that do not directly support that vision, they create friction.

As you establish your guild, before you start recruiting members, attempt to articulate your vision for the guild, how you intend to reach that vision, and what rules you need to put in place to support that vision. Write all of that down and have someone you trust read through it. Ask them if they feel your vision is clear, if your plan to reach the vision sounds viable, and if the rules you created to support that plan do in fact support the vision. Make sure the person is someone you trust because if they don’t understand why you have a rule to wear fuzzy bunny slippers at all times, you need to be able to articulate why or change/remove the rule if wearing fuzzy bunny slippers does not truly support your plan for world domination.

8. Enforcement

If there is one truism for creating virtual communities it is that you will encounter issues. Those are often more frequent that you’d like when your guild is starting out. When there is an issue, jump in immediately and mediate a resolution. If you don’t know how to mediate a dispute, you probably shouldn’t be trying to lead an organization of people to begin with. There are lots of books on that topic so I am not going to try and teach you here. The point is to step in immediately and find a solution. Often, that solution is simply to clear up the miscommunication. You have no emotional baggage tied to the dispute so fairly evaluate both sides and diffuse it before things explode. That has the obvious benefit of preventing the immediate issue from getting out of hand. It also has a more hidden but much more important benefit. The rest of your guild is watching. They see how you act in those situations. Your successful handling of those problems will mean they are more likely to come to you for help before they overreact to something.

7. Culture

Building a community/guild/clan culture is inevitable. The shared experiences of your members will cause some form of culture to come into being. That culture can either be the glue that binds the team together or it can be the most outwardly obvious symptom as to why the guild is going to fall apart.

Culture is defined (by www.dictionary.com) as “the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group.” Each of us participates in a number of different cultures .. at work.. at home.. with friends etc.. If you are a member of a guild you are also part of that culture.

The key to creating, growing and maintaining the right culture in your guild is rooted in many of our other top 10 items. Recruiting once again plays a critical role either in support of or directly against forming a positive culture. Mismatched personnel who are constantly getting on each other’s nerves or who have differing play styles can contribute to creating a non-supportive culture. So once again, right from the start of a guild, recruiting forms the basis for yet another building block of a successful, long-term guild. If you have to choose where to invest your time, it needs to be in good recruiting.

Another area in which the guild leadership can influence culture is through rules and policies. More specifically, how those policies are implemented and enforced can have a profound impact on whether there is a positive or negative culture in the guild. On a day to day basis, one of the most important things a guild leader can do is to fairly and consistently enforce guild rules. That doesn’t mean that everyone will necessarily agree with every decision made but if those decisions are shown to be consistent and fair with past precedence then those negative tendrils have a much harder time taking root in your guild culture.

6. Understanding

If someone told you that in order to be a successful community that you needed to be understanding it might not make intuitive sense at first but without understanding a guild cannot be successful. Understanding is a quality that directly supports and contributes to stability and it is something you cannot mandate into existence. It has to be nurtured and grown and sometimes fought for.

Let’s begin by defining what I mean when I say you need to have understanding to be a successful guild. Although voice communications are increasingly commonplace, the primary interaction people have with each other within the virtual world is text-based. Even within voice communication the non-verbal cues that would normally add context to a comment are not present. There are a variety of facts and figures floating around about how much of communication is non-verbal but regardless of which study is taken as fact, non-verbal communication (gestures, facial expressions, and body language) is an important and often central aspect to effective understanding.

Since the online world is predominantly text and voice based for our interactions, the likelihood there will be a misunderstanding is very high. When misunderstandings happen within virtual communities, they are tough to spot; even tougher to manage; and often lead to permanent, negative consequences.

The difference between a successful organization and one that implodes is understanding. Organizations that are successful have figured out a way to compensate for the text based and voice based communication issues so that misunderstandings are far less explosive and far less likely to result in instability.

5. Compatibility

Another major factor in determining a guild’s ability to be a long-term success is compatibility. While this criterion is interrelated to the other topics we have covered, especially recruiting, there is more to it than just saying, “We all get along!” There are several different layers to compatibility that we will explore with each layer being important to the long-term success of the guild. The four core layers of compatibility that you need to ensure exist within your guild are:
• Compatibility of your members
• Compatibility of your leadership team
• Compatibility of your rules with your goals
• Compatibility of your goals with your game

As you move forward with establishing or fostering your guild, take into account that compatibility is very important. Only recruit people who are compatible with your guild values and goals. Promote to leadership only people with that extra level of compatibility needed to work together even during the most difficult of circumstances. Create rules that are compatible with the goals and values of your guild. Set goals that are compatible with the gaming worlds you choose to occupy. If you forget to do even one of those things you will be introducing instability into your guild that will corrupt your culture and shake loose the walls of your fortress, causing it to tumble down around you.

4. Excellence

We play games to achieve great things, to be the hero, to be excellent. We expect excellence in the games we play and it is pretty obvious what happens to gaming titles that fail to meet the level of excellence we require. Players demand excellence in their games. When they do not get excellence in their games, they move on to another game.

Players demand excellence in their guilds in the exact same way they demand it of their games. Players are investing their valuable time in the guild and therefore they demand a fair return on their investment. It is a transaction like any other in life. While the currency is time and commitment the process is still a transaction. That transaction is the same as going to the store and buying a gallon of milk or paying your bill to play a month of your current MMORPG.

When a person joins your guild, they are paying you with their loyalty, commitment and, most of all, with their time. They invest those things in your vision, goals and processes and they demand excellence in return. If you offer an inferior or defective product, they will purchase a new product from someone else. Your guild is a commodity and not a very valuable one when it first starts out. You have no track record of success. You have little of value to offer anyone other than your promises for the future. You have, at the very least, thousands of direct competitors on your server all vying for the same pool of members and many of them have a more established track record than you do.

There are lots of ways to be excellent in the online gaming world and most of those ways are things players will demand of their guilds, whether they realize it or not. Failing to be excellent in those areas leads to those negative tendrils weaving their way into your guild culture, weakening the walls of your fortress.

3. Size

Bigger is better, right? That is what popular culture seems to teach us. However, within the online gaming world that is not a correct statement. The “best” size for a guild is the size that directly supports the goals of the guild in exactly the optimal way. So size is a tricky topic. If you focus on size as an end goal of your guild, then you will end in disaster. However, if you don’t have an appreciation for the size needed to achieve your goals that can lead to a failure to deliver ‘Excellence’ to your members and therefore also cause a guild failure.

Size, for the sake of size, has a major hidden drawback. That drawback is that if your members do not know each other well enough, then they will fail to develop the necessary understanding needed to avoid drama and blow-ups.

Not having enough size is a problem as well. If you do not have enough people to fully staff the events, raids and hunts that you plan to move your guild goals forward then you have two options. Either you can cancel the plans or you can bring in outsiders to fill the gap. Regularly canceling plans can send the message that the guild is unable to provide the excellence your members demand.

Player expectations are very mature these days. They have big expectations of the guilds they will lend their services to. When forming a guild, understanding what size you need to be and how fast you can reasonably achieve that size is a key factor in meeting player expectations. There are consequences to growing too fast, too slow, with the wrong mix of people or using the wrong criteria for measuring your recruits. There is no universal right answer for size except to say that the right size for your guild is the number of people you need to support your goals and your ability to deliver your services in an excellent manner. Your members are like Goldilocks. They don’t want the guild to be too big or grow too fast. They don’t want the guild to be too small or grow too slowly. They want it just right. And if you can’t provide that, someone else already can.

2. Stay Focused

One of the most challenging aspects of creating and running a guild is staying focused on executing your plan. Society today has a heavy dose of instant gratification mixed into it. When you couple that with the fact that in a Massively Multiplayer Game there is always someone who is ahead of you or nipping at your heels, then we tend to impose pressure on ourselves to move faster and take shortcuts.

It is a natural human reaction to look around and see characters in better armor and feel like you need to be doing something more or something different so you can have those things. It is natural to compare oneself to other people and then try to take a shortcut to get to where they are faster. We have all heard the adage about the grass being greener on the other guy’s lawn. The same applies in gaming, except with the added kicker of “well if he can do it, so can I.” While that is probably true, since games are increasingly designed to be accessible to more players, if you rush through your plan you will undermine your goals before you achieve them.

Stay focused. It is tempting to think we are the exception to the rule, that we are smarter than human nature, that our personality will be powerful enough to allow us to take shortcuts and still emerge victorious. Taking those shortcuts will result in failure. No matter how smart you are and how motivated you are when you start playing with the expectations of players, you are playing with things beyond your control and much like feeding a wild animal, you will get bitten.

1. Reboot!

If you have made it through all these steps and your guild still implodes despite your best efforts, the good news is that the online world allows for nearly infinite retries. You can try again in the same gaming world.. you can switch to a new world.. you can create a whole new persona if you want. You can use the same guild format or pick an entirely new one. The sandbox of online gaming allows you to try to build the perfect sand castle over and over again. But… if you have reached this point… you likely tried and failed at least once. Review the reasons you failed and be completely honest with yourself. You only waste your time if you mislead yourself by blaming anything other than the true root causes. Find those causes and figure out what you will do differently this time around to reach a different and better outcome.

Building a successful community is an art… not a science. The principles discussed above are what you need to focus on but correctly applying them, in the right amounts, at the right moments in time, to create the exact entity that you wish to create is not as simple as mixing the right amount of flour, eggs and sugar and baking it for the right amount of time. The recipe differs for everyone so use any failures you may come across as opportunities to evaluate your recipe and tweak it for the next try.

All of those topics, and more, are discussed in great detail in Beyond The Legend . If you are creating an online community, guild or clan then you should make the time to read the book and avoid the landmines so many others have stepped on before you.

If you know me in real life, most likely you also know that I am somewhat obsessed with all things Angry Birds. So I was super excited last week when the indie rock duo Pomplamoose released an awesome cover of the AB theme song. It got me thinking — I have not only wasted a bajillion hours playing all instances of the game, but also soaking up all of the awesome ephemera created around it. So here are my top ten Angry Birds-related things.

1. The Aforementioned Angry Birds Theme by Pomplamoose

2. Jon Hamm Explains Angry Birds
Previously this video held the top spot in my favorite things about AB. Mostly because it makes something so absurd sound even more ridiculous but with such spot on accuracy that you just knowingly nod your head in agreement. “Get ready to waste some time, my friend.” (This video is set to start in the middle, I am not actually wasting 8:43 of your time.)

3. The Physics of Angry Birds
Some dude over at Wired plotted the course of an Angry Bird against actual physics properties. The graphs are pretty amazing. Spoiler alert: The red bird would be 70cm tall.

4. Angry Birds Movie Trailer
Real Pigs. Real Stakes.

5. The Daily Show Takes On Watson Computer
When Watson kicked the asses of Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, Jon Stewart took the opportunity to challenge the super computer. Best line? “I’ve been slinging birds into pig-filled buildings since before you were reading punch cards in a basement at MIT.”

6. Functioning Angry Birds Cake
One of the first AB memes to go around was a picture of a cake which someone posted to their twitter and went extremely viral. It was beautiful but not particularly instructional or for that matter, playable. Then this video came along, a blow-by-blow of the making of Ben’s birthday cake. “Construction: Icing, Chocolate Cake, Catapult, and Patience.”

7. Aaron Sorkin, Angry Birds Genius
Aaron Sorkin did a guest spot on 30 Rock. The whole one-minute scene is brilliant, and the Angry Birds wisdom he doles out is entirely true. I paused the tv the first time I saw this episode just to verify. You’re welcome.

8. Angry Birds Peace Treaty
This clip came from an Israeli show ???Eretz Nehederet, which is kind of a mash up of SNL and The Daily Show.

9. Crafting with Angry Birds
My crafty friend Willo sent me a link to Make and Takes’ Crafting With Angry Birds post. Of course my first thought was, this won’t work for yellow bird since he isn’t actually round. Maybe I need help… constructing my little yarn army.

10. Angry Birds for Blackberry
This one is actually a double meme. Prior to my iPhone, I owned a blackberry storm, and was immeasurably excited when I saw links going around Twitter that I, too, could get Angry Birds. Of course it turned out to be a cruel joke, as evidenced by the oh-so-true image below. But I will also encourage you to go over to Gizmodo, where I first saw this, and scroll through the comments for the second part of the meme. Brilliant.

And as a bonus for making it through the whole post, enjoy this picture of me, as a pig:

10. Package Stuffing

Sometimes you want your package to look bigger and more impressive than it actually is. Socks can help! Padding your junk with socks not only accentuates, it even helps keep your junk safe. So, next time you’re shipping a gift to your Nanna, stuff a few extra socks in there. Wait… what did you think we we’re talking about?

9. Dexterity training in case your fingers become fused together some day.

Listen, it happens. 1 out of every 3 people will be involved in a chemical accident that will fuse their fingers together into one big digit-less horror (you might check my numbers on that). If it happens to you, you can be prepared to (awkwardly) embrace your new lifestyle by practicing before hand (no pun intended). Slip a couple of socks over your hands and run through these practice drills: Picking up quarters off of flat surfaces, shaking hands and applying salve to your horrible burn scars.

8. Cheap Insulation

Building a house is no place to skimp, anyone who’s had a shelf fall on their head will agree. But you can be frugal without being foolish. And what do you have more of – socks or fiberglass insulation? So work with what you have, and next time you build a house – that’ll be soon, right? – stuff those walls with piles of socks! Flannel for colder climates, or light cotton if you’re farther south. You can figure it out – you’re already insulating a house with socks, so you’re obviously pretty clever.

7. Self-Defense

Imagine it: one late night you come stumbling home from the video arcade, and who should cross your path but some thug. He’s got a mean face and a threatening fist, but what do you have? Nothing but some leftover quarters and the socks on your feet. Think that spells trouble? You bet it does – for the other guy! Take off that sock, fill it with quarters, and get swinging. Good thing you didn’t waste all those quarters chowin’ down pellets, Ms. Pac Man!

6. Coffee Filters

Ask any poor college student and he will tell you, brewing coffee through paper towels is so passé. You need your paper towels for wiping up ramen spills! Instead, stave off a shopping trip by reaching for a lonely sock, its pair long lost to the laundromat, and fill that baby up with beans. Just make sure it’s a clean sock, unless you want some funky flavors in that cup o’ Joe.

5. Cat Dickey

Is the cat dickey a fashion item or a utility? Is it a stylish accessory to distinguish your fine feline from the naked-necked unadorned hoards? Or is it a practical item of kitty clothing, keeping that furry throat full of warmth and purrs? Why can’t it be both?

4. Sandworm Toy

Perfect for any young Kwisatz Haderach in your family. Stuff a sock with more socks, tie off one end, and throw it in the sandbox with your kid. They’ll instantly be transported to a fantasy world filled with Shai-Huluds (colloquially known as ‘sand worms’), addictive spices, and Kyle MacLachlan. Don’t forget, he who controls the spice controls the universe.

3. Ankle-Warmers

Springtime’s a season of fickle weather – you leave the house one sunny morning, nothing but strappy sandals between your toes and the warm air, but by the end of the day a cold wind is blowing clouds around the sky, and your bare ankles are freezing. If only you’d brought a pair of ankle-warmers with you! Just cut the toes off a pair of socks, and slip your new ankle-warmers up toward your shins. Your toes stay free and breezy while your delicate ankles are cozy and warm.

2. Environmentally Friendly Toilet Paper

These are tough times we’re living in. Time to put your pride aside and realize that you’re flushing away hard-earned cash with each trip to the bathroom. Instead of using toilet paper, bring a sock along on your next trip to the loo, rinse after each use, and watch the savings (and staff infections) roll in.

1. Sock Puppets

So, you’ve made it this far, and you’ve still got some spare orphan socks lying around. Why not make a sock puppet? And while you’re at it, why not head over to Socks, Inc. and use your sock puppet to join the adventures of Gary, Jenny, Mr. Barnsworth and all the other socks of Socksburg.

10. Immigrant advocacy may be the new oil painting. Artist Tania Bruguera has decided to spend one year living in Corona, Queens and is running an “advocacy group/art project.” I think the money quote from the NY Times article about her project is this: “‘She’s an artist? I didn’t know that,’ said J. P. Jimenez, a salesman at Metropolitan Lumber and Hardware on Roosevelt Avenue, opposite the storefront Ms. Bruguera opened last month. ‘I don’t see nobody going in with paintings.’”

9. Foul Mouthed Street Art:

8.

Yesterday I got an email from BarackObama.org. In a response to Jerome Corsi’s new book Where is the Birth Certificate? and to poke a little fun at the Birthers, Obama’s campaign team came up with the above graphic design for a mug. You can all insert your own variation of a “No Tea Allowed in this Mug” disclaimer joke in the comment section below.

7. For the Rembrandt inside of all office workers: Post it note art.

6. Paddle8.com is a new website where visitors can view works and collectors can make purchases. The wrinkle is that influential cultural figures act as curators for the exhibitions of works that go on display. In the same way as visits to galleries and museums, didactic material is provided that puts the works in context and provides insight about a particular artist’s practices. Glenn O’Brien is the curator for the next show.

5.

Devoted readers of my previous posts know that I am a big fan of public art. While I’m partial to NYC, Philadelphia has a ton of wonderful murals and a new interactive website has images of those murals and information about the stories they tell. My favorite is “The Heart of Baltimore Avenue”  (featured above), by David Guinn. For this mural, you can zoom in on a particular person and hear a brief description of who they are in their own words. Here’s a link to the site: http://explorer.muralarts.org/

4.

The folks over at Techcrunch.com have a story about a photographer who is claiming to have snapped the largest photo ever taken indoors. Although the writer of the article I link to below points out that it is actually 2,947 photos stitched together, the clarity of the detail is amazing. The photographer is Jeffrey Martin, founder of 360cities.net and the subject of the photo is in the Strahov Monastery, in Prague, Czech Republic. Video above, story here: 40 gigapixels of awesomeness

3. Dustin Grella is asking people to call him at the “Animation Hotline” and leave him a voicemail. He will then do a work of art based on your VM. The phone number is (212) – 683 – 2490. You can watch videos of his works, set to the recorded VM, on his website. The images plus the words make for a kind of visual poetry.

2.

Lech Szporer and Matthew Blair undertook a project to synchronize a series of actions, within a specific time frame, on two different sides of the world.  On the same day, while Szporer was in Rome and Blair was in New York, they both drank a cup of coffee and smoked a cigarette at the same time. What feels like the climax of the piece is when both men leap into two rivers. Szporer into the Tiber and Blair into the East. After that they each smashed a bottle and collected the shards of glass. Then they had another coffee. They showed this work at a gallery in Miami during Art Basel 2007. Included in the installation were recordings of rolling landscapes from trains Szporer rode in Tuscany and Blair rode in Brooklyn, the glass collected from the broken bottles, their Gmail conversation about the piece and the top recording above.

The second video features the same artists, doing another simultaneous project with Blair in Berlin and Szporer in New York. Blindfolded, they find their way through the streets of both cities, struggling at moments to find their way amongst the crowds, cars and bussle of each respective metropolis.

1.

Photo by Stephen Mallon

Stephen Mallon’s “Next Stop Atlantic” series showcases the disposal of old NYC subway cars in the Atlantic Ocean. Once they submerge and land on the ocean bottom, the subway cars became reefs for various creatures. According to a NY Times photo feature on them earlier this week, the practice is going to be discontinued because new subway cars have plastic parts that make the prep process too expensive. I wonder, do fish also gather around the doors and not push to the middle of the car? Because when people do that on the subway it really pisses me off.

10. Max

Have you ever wondered what America would look like if the South won the Civil War? Or if Al Gore had become U.S. President in 2000, rather than George W. Bush? That very sort of “what if” question hovers over the plot of  Max starring John Cusack as a Munich art dealer and Noah Taylor as Adolf Hitler. Hitler was actually a painter, and this movie highlights a fictional relationship between him and the art dealer played by Cusack.

9. Modigliani

Most people know that Andy Garcia played an Italian mafiaso in Godfather Three, but his talents for playing an Italian in a film did not end there. He does an admirable job playing the painter Amadeo Modigliani in this movie. I think the best parts are the ones that focus attention on Modigliani’s rivalry/friendship with Picasso.

8. Lust for Life

You can bet that when Van Gogh died, he had no idea he’d be as revered as he is today. Nor could he have guessed that the man who would play in a movie  about his life would be nominated for one of film’s highest honors. Kirk Douglas plays Vincent Van Gogh in Lust for Life. He certainly looked the part and he played the artist so well that his performance garnered him an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor in 1956. The above scene takes place when Paul Gauguin (played by Anthony Quinn) comes to live with Van Gogh in the South of France. The volatility of Van Gogh and the eventual demise of Gauguin’s stay in the South of France with Van Gogh is summed up well in this scene. I love the moment when Gauguin smells the pot in which Van Gogh has been cooking their meal.

7. Downtown 81

Downtown 81 is an urban fairytale starring Jean-Michel Basquiat playing a character much like himself. It’s a really interesting period piece about downtown NY in the 80s and well worth watching. But one note: if the sound seems off, it’s for good reason: the audio was damaged and the film had to be re-dubbed. Because Basquiat died, the filmmakers asked poet Saul Williams to do a voice over of the lead character’s lines.

6. Waking Life

I suppose this film could be classified in a lot of ways. Experimental, philsophical narrative. Spaced out, stream-of-consciousness film essay.  Mindscape movie making… Whatever you call Waking Life, I think it was pretty breakthrough when it came out in 2001. Even if you were to watch only one scene, you can gain something from it. I’ve embedded A.O. Scott’s astute analysis of the film for the NY Times.

5. American Splendor

I LOVE this movie. And though I’m not sure the late, great Harvey Pekar would call himself an artist, I’m going to anyway. Plus, Robert Crumb is an important character in the film, so there. When I watched it, I thought immediately of Henry Miller, given how much the American author may have liked Pekar’s stance that ordinary life is pretty complex stuff. Paul Giamatti does a terrific job playing the curmudgeonly Pekar and the interaction of animated illustrations and regular film making in the movie is great.

4. My Left Foot

In this movie, Daniel Day-Lewis plays Christy Brown, an Irish painter, poet and author who had cerebral palsy. I’m always impressed by Day-Lewis and the roles he takes on for his films. For me, he’s one of those actors that engages a character, learns the script and comes out on the other side of the camera as another person. This film is a prime example of that.

3. Girl with a Pearl Earring

Before he played a king with a speech impediment, Colin Firth was Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer in Girl with a Pearl Earring. There are only 34 known paintings by Vermeer in the world and one quite accurate part of this film is that Vermeer was a famously slow painter. He took a painstaking amount of time on each of his compositions, which is partially the reason why so few of his works exist. In real life, the man who was Vermeer’s patron was a pious man and not the vulgar womanizer depicted in the movie. And it’s likely that the model the title painting is based on was one of Vermeer’s daughters, rather than a maid who worked in his house. The actual painting called Girl with a Pearl Earring by Vermeer is at the Mauritshuis Gallery in the Hague. But in case you can’t make it to the Netherlands and happen to live in NY, a similar Vermeer is on view at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

2. Pollock

Jackson Pollock’s drip paintings are famously symbolic of American Modern Art in the mid-20th Century. This film chronicles the prodigious drinking, the haphazard dripping, the notorious womanizing and the incredible work that made Pollock one of the titans of Abstract Expressionism. Ed Harris does an exceptional job playing Pollock (and man does he ever look like the painter) and Marcia Gay Harden, who plays Pollock’s wife, the painter Lee Krasner, won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her work in the film.

1. Basquiat

Soho was a very different place in the mid-80s than it is today. I happen to like Basquiat’s work a ton, which is part of the reason I’ve seen this movie about 25 times. But I’m a big fan of Jeffrey Wright too. Wright plays Basquiat, the graffiti writer turned art world darling. The star-studded cast includes Gary Oldman, Bencio Del Toro, Dennis Hopper, Parker Posey and David Bowie as Andy Warhol. The film was directed by the painter Julien Schnabel, who knew Basquiat when they were both NYC based painters in the 80s. Funny enough, the character that is meant to be Schnabel appears to be the most level headed character in the film…

I have been working on this mix for as long as I have been writing for Popten. It was at one point over 60 songs, and has morphed its way through at least 7 different versions. I found it so hard to edit down songs about New York City, especially when my only self-imposed criteria was that the city needed to be central to the story of the song, not just a passing mention. But after Chris posted a New York-centric article on public art last week, I figured I should use it as inspiration and finally get off my ass and finish this thing.

In end I did away with the songs that everyone could think of on their own — Lou Reed’s Take A Walk On The Wild Side — and some that were just too down on the city I’ve called my own for the past 4.5 years , like Jim Croce’s New York’s Not My Home. I then ordered them to tell a story:

The final twenty songs start in Brooklyn and Coney Island, and then head up through neighborhoods all over Manhattan. They take a detour through our lovely transit system, get down on being here, but then get right back up.

Amidst the track listing I’ve given you a one sentence wrap-up of why the song fits the mix, and a key lyric. If it exists, I’ve included the official video as well. And if you scroll alllll the way to the bottom, you can stream the whole thing.

The Avett Brothers – I And Love And You
Inspired by a gig at Galapagos in Brooklyn.

Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I’m in?
My hands they shake, my head it spins.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Matt Pond PA – Brooklyn Stars
About sneaking out of a one night stand.

These Brooklyn stars are small and strange
I’m under roads
They’re going home
Next to statues of saints of snow

Phosphorescent – The Mermaid Parade
Grappling with the end of a marriage at the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island.

In New York this morning; it was 8 am LA time,
and I could be there by this evening
said the girl on the airline line.
So I bought that ticket, and I got in that cab,
oh but I didn’t make it babe
to the airport like that.
No I wound up walking
out by the ocean today
and there were naked women
dancing in the Mermaid Parade.

Good Old War – Coney Island
Break up with the girl, but not the city.

I’m going to Coney Island have myself a dog
And reminisce why I still hate it here
It’s all these people with their cotton candy eyes
It’s so sweet, now put the train in gear
But I can’t let this go I’m on my way
You can only hold my diamond ring
But I’ll go crawling back to the city I love
Cause it’s already taken everything

Counting Crows – Chelsea
Break up with the girl, break up with the city.

I never go to New York City these days
Something about the buildings in Chelsea just kills me
Maybe in a month or two,
Maybe when things are different for me,
Maybe when things are different for you,
You know all of this shit, just sticks in my head

Ryan Adams – New York New York
The video was filmed on September 7, 2001, and has iconic backdrops of the city, including the towers.

I remember Christmas in the blistering cold
In a church on the Upper West Side
Babe, I stood there singing, I was holding your arm
You were holding my trust like a child
Found a lot of trouble out on Avenue B
But I tried to keep the overhead low
Farewell to the city and the love of my life
At least we left before we had to go

Daniel Merriweather – For Your Money
“For Your Money is about me trying to get by in New York – and, I suppose, New York itself trying to get by. It’s a post-9/11 ode to re-evaluating our priorities and steering away from golden calf worship.”

New York, she sits and cries
She’s had her moment of glory
Stands up, then she took the dive
From the sixty first story
Now I don’t know how it evens out
Once I saw the love was never in her eyes
But she goes on, on, she goes on
She goes on

Josh Ritter – The Curse
A cursed mummy and a curator at The Met have a love affair; Ritter’s drummer Liam Hurley created the marionettes in the video.

In New York he is laid in a glass-covered case
He pretends he is dead, people crowd round to see him
But each night she comes round, and the two wander down
The halls of the tomb that she calls a museum

Joe Purdy – The City
Written after his first trip to NYC.

Get off the boat and board a plane to JFK and I
Haven’t slept in a week
But it don’t seem to matter to the subway squeakers squeaking at my feet

Bright Eyes – Lua
A coke and booze-filled evening and the morning aftermath.

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at some actor’s West side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they’ll be gone

Death Cab For Cutie – Marching Bands of Manhattan
There is comfort in sorrow.

If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan
I’d bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson
And if I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings

Luna – Going Home
Reflection and regret.

The Chrysler Building was talking to the Empire State
The Twin Towers were talking to each other
Saying all is forgiven
I love you still
And we’re home, home
Going home

The Pogues ft. Kirsty McColl – Fairytale of New York
A Christmas song.

They’ve got cars big as bars
They’ve got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It’s no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

Interpol – NYC
Supporting the city that has supported you.

The subway is a porno
Pavements they are a mess
I know you’ve supported me for a long time
Somehow I’m not impressed
But New York cares (got to be some more change in my life)

Le Tigre – My My Metrocard
Cruising around the city with a train pass.

My My Metrocard
Think I’ll go a little but then I go far
Next stop Atlantic Avenue
Next stop Christopher Street
Next stop Transfer to the
Next stop A, C, or E

Besnard Lakes – On Bedford and Grand
Hipsters.

You wouldn’t believe the things that we saw
When we took the L-train

Mike Doughty – Thank You Lord For Sending Me The F-Train
Have you ever had to wait for the F Train? Yeah.

And I will drift back to the slope,
Some face unlit, there, stuck into the incline,
Where I will sleep off all the noise
The soot accumulated all my trials
I thank you Lord almighty up above
Just for sending out the F train to me

LCD Soundsystem – New York I Love You But You’re Bringing But Down
Maybe the best song about being disappointed in a city every written; also the last song they sang at their last show.

New York, you’re perfect, don’t please don’t change a thing
Your mild billionaire mayor’s now convinced he’s a king
So the boring collect – I mean all disrespect
In the neighborhood bars I’d once dreamt I would drink

Ray LaMontagne & The Pariah Dogs – New York City’s Killing Me
He’d rather be in Nashville; but we all feel that way sometimes just for a moment, right?

I was just kickin’ along the sidewalk
No one looks you in the eyes
No one asks you how you’re doin’
Don’t seem to care if you live or if you die
Just got to get me somewhere
Somewhere that I can feel free
Gotta get out of New York City, boy
New York City’s killin’ me

Dark Dark Dark – New York Song
Because really, in the end, where else would you rather be?

They said being here is better than wishing we’d stayed
Yes, being here is seeming to be the way
Oh being here is better than wishing we had stayed…

Congrats on getting through to the bottom! Now click below to listen, and be sure to let me know if the comments how audacious it was of me to leave _____ off my list. Enjoy!

I want to wish you all a very happy Passover! However, there are not really any awesome Passover songs, unless you count Go Down Moses, which is only awesome when my cantor brother sings it in his bass-falsetto voice.* So to make sure your Good Friday is truly great, I’ve compiled ten Easter-related songs that, even as a Jew, I (and hopefully you) can totally rock out to.  Enjoy!

*This cannot be missed. Especially if you know Jesse. (Video here.)

Track Listing:
The Hollies – Jesus Was A Crossmaker
Jill Sobule – Jesus Was A Dreidel Spinner
Kanye West – Jesus Walks
Clem Snide – Jews For Jesus Blues
Nirvana – Jesus Doesn’t Want Me For A Sunbeam
Morrissey – I Have Forgiven Jesus
Guster – Stay With Me Jesus
Kurt Vile – Jesus Fever
The Hold Steady – How A Resurrection Really Feels
Emmy The Great – The Easter Parade

10.

The Botero sculpture of Adam in the Time Warner Center has certainly rubbed NYers the right way. Or I suppose, actually, it’s the other way around. Apparently the thing to do is to grab Adam’s junk. Look closely at that particular part of the sculpture. It wasn’t created that way by the artist. It has turned gold from all that touching and grabbing.

9.

Photo by Richard Perry

In a South Bronx lot sits three enormous sheets of an un-assembled Richard Serra sculpture. The sheets have been there for years and no one with any knowledge about who owns it is interested in discussing who owns it. Nevertheless, there it is – an artistic symbol of industry, in a lot built to house cranes and other industrial equipment.

8.

Just off the corner of Houston Street and Allen Street is this portrait of deceased artist Dash Snow. Snow was 27 when he died in 2009. He was the subject of a profile in NY Magazine in 2007. The writer of that profile opined that Snow, at 25, was already a downtown legend. This portrait is the second of Snow by the graffiti writer SEEDR. SEEDR did the first one on the roof at Deitch Projects, for a 2007 exhibition tribute to Snow’s work. Given how associated Snow was with the latest incarnation of the downtown scene, it’s only fitting that his portrait would be rendered in aerosol on brick at the corner of two important LES streets.

7.

Ever heard of North Brother Island? It’s an island on the East River that has been abandoned for 48 years. Three urban explorers, from the Sanctuary of Hope, formerly an antinomian church in Ridgewood, Queens, have been there several times. During a recent visit, they installed the awning of the SOH onto one of the abandoned buildings there. In this way, the Sanctuary of Hope has been deterritorialized (in material) to North Brother Island. The installation of the awning notes a human presence on a deserted island and shows the transformative power that even the simplest of additions can provide to any place.

6.

photo by JSchumacher

A wall at Rogers Place and 163rd Street in the Longwood section of The Bronx is a gallery at which the artwork rotates like the art on the walls of Gagosian, Marlborough or Pace. But no matter how many times the artwork changes, the subject is the same: Big Pun. The Bronx rapper, who died on 2/7/00, was cremated, so the mural offers his fans and family an opportunity to visit and pay their respects. The mural was created by TatsCRU and has been repainted almost every year since Big Pun’s death. Each time it is rendered in a different way. A rep from TatsCRU informed me that this year they plan to do a new version of it beginning on May 10. There is currently a movement to get the corner of Rogers Place & 163rd re-named after the deceased rapper. I visited the site yesterday and took the second picture. The top one is from 2009.

5.

Picasso never once entered the United States during his lifetime, but his presence in New York is felt in museums and galleries and by this large sculpture in Greenwich Village. It is located between Bleecker and Houston in a courtyard within Silver Towers/University Village, a complex designed by I.M. Pei. The sculpture is called “Portrait of Sylvette.” Sylvette David was a girl who lived in the South of France and met Picasso around 1953. This sculpture was created from a drawing Picasso did of her. If you haven’t seen it yet, you can rest assured that it will be there for sometime to come: in 2008, the entire area was officially designated by the NYC Landmarks Preservation Commission. The case for making the entire area a designated site was even supported by Sylvette David, who is now in her 70s.

4.

“The Sphere,” by Fritz Koenig, was on display for 30 years at the foot of the World Trade Center. Though it sustained some damage on 9/11, it remained intact, albeit for some dents and holes. Once it was retrieved from the site it was placed in a temporary storage area at JFK airport. Percy Adlon, a filmmaker, made a documentary about the sculpture called “Koenig’s Sphere,” drawing attention to its presence at JFK. By March 2002, it was installed in Battery Park. The damage sustained that day is clear by looking at it. With its holes and dents, “The Sphere” is very much a metaphor for New York City; like the City “The Sphere” was changed and scarred from 9/11 but survived nonetheless.

3.

Both sides of West 22nd Street between 11th and 12th Aves are dotted by several types of trees. What makes the trees at this location on W22 unique? They were all planted by the Dia Art Foundation, in 1988 & 1996, as a part of Joseph Beuys’ 7000 Oaks project. Beuys began the project in 1982 in Germany and did it as an extension of his idea of “social sculpture.” Each tree is marked by a basalt column. I was there the other day & I stopped to chat with a man who was selling art for someone else near the 11th Ave side of the street. The man (on the right above), who would only identify himself as a “part time Siciliano-mafioso” knew nothing of Beuys or why the trees were there. He did tell me a story about a boy who leaped from a tree, though. Across the street, I stepped into the clothing store “Comme des Garcons” and a very friendly young woman told me that she knew nothing about the project either. In a way, that’s really the brilliance of the piece. That here on W22, amongst galleries, residences & chic stores, the trees blend in. They are just there, living monuments to the very idea of public art.

2.

“Crack is Wack” by Keith Haring is arguably one of the most famous murals in the City. It is located at 128th Street and 2nd Ave in Manhattan and visible from the southbound side of the FDR. When Haring did this mural in 1986, he didn’t have anyone’s permission to do it and thus it was illegal. Now it is a protected site by the NYC Parks Department – the dream of many would be graffiti writers and public installation artists.

1.

The final work I’ve decided to include is Bill Brand’s “Masstransicope”. I took two trips on the Q train the other night to view this piece. I love that it requires a trip on mass transit and that en route riders are treated to a physical flip book. Brand did this piece in 1980 and created it by installing 228 hand painted panels in the route between DeKalb Avenue, in Brooklyn and Canal Street, in Manhattan. To see it in person, visit the Dekalb Avenue stop and take the Manahttan-bound Q train. When you board the train, look out the windows opposite the side of the train you entered. About a minute or so into the ride, Brand’s piece appears.

10. The folks over at Mashable have put together a slideshow of their favorite iPad portraits. Nothing says (or should I say texts) 21st Century Art than the use of digital hardware as a medium. This one, by Andrei Popa, is my favorite.

image by Andrei Popa

9. Brooklyn resident Johnathan Lopes has been making a Lego version of Brooklyn for the last four years. The Daily News got the scoop, but Gothamist has better images of Lopes’ living room installation.

8. Mitt Romney kicked off his likely 2012 presidential campaign this week. The logo his graphic designers came up with reminded some commentators of the Aquafresh logo. Perhaps his campaign song will be Outkast’s “So Fresh, So Clean.” Inspired by Romney’s logo, Elizabeth Weingarten at Slate put together a slideshow of the strangest presidential advertisements from history.

7. Look out Google, there are some new kids on the digital art block. TheStreet.com reported earlier this week on tech-start ups attempting to “bring art to the masses.” In January I attended a demonstration of one them, Artsicle, which is a NY-based start-up that allows users to rent a piece of art for 50 dollars a month before committing to buying it.

6. I came across a post the other day by the artist Inge Jacobson, who has created a hand-stiched reproduction of a Vogue cover. My hope is that Ms. Jacobson’s work gets the attention of Conde Nast, who in turn stops publishing the magazine on paper and switches to an all fabric format.

Image by Inge Jacobson

5. Fliers showing detained Chinese artist Ai Weiwei as a missing person are popping up in NYC and in Berlin. I’m waiting for a contemporary pop artist to start making empty milk boxes with Weiwei’s face on them. Here is a flier hanging outside of The Metropolitan Museum of Art:

4. Guy meets art school girl. Guy knows nothing about art. Guy seeks out advice on how to sound art educated on Reddit and funny comments ensue. Trying to impress cute artsy chick. Know noting about art. Help. My favorite response is: “I love impressionism… This is my Gilbert Gottfried voice.”

3. The other night my wife and I attended the premier of “Nine Types of Light,” the film companion to TV on the Radio’s new album with the same name. The band, their friends and an assortment of directors came up with a unique music video for each song on the album. Some are animated, some are funny, some are just plain weird. All are interesting. The videos were storybooked together by Tunde Adebimpe, the band’s lead singer. The entire film can be viewed on YouTube: http://youtu.be/8B5GP0AiQMc?hd=1

2. In an interview before he died, John Hughes explained the Museum scene from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”: http://youtu.be/p89gBjHB2Gs My favorite part is when he compares the Seurat pointillist painting to the making of the movie itself.

1. You know those pictures you take of the ground and the clouds while you fly to Florida to see your grandma? Well, the gauntlet has been thrown down to you, amateur airplane passenger photographer. Popten contributor Morgan Holzer put me on to her friend Nate Bolt, who did a fantastic time lapse photo project while he was a passenger on a San Francisco to Paris flight. From his vantage point, he set his camera to take photos of the entire flight and captured Aurora Borealis in process! Morgan tells me that Nate’s work is usually this awesome and if this piece is any indication, she is damn right. You can follow Nate on Twitter.

The new Strokes album, Angles, is far from a perfect piece of modern rock
(aka This is It) but it does succeed in rekindling SOME of the fire stamped out by
First Impressions of Earth. The album feels chopped up and disjointed. Maybe it’s
just a reflection of the band’s new I-don’t-want-to-do-this-anymore attitude so
heavily reported in the press. Or maybe they’re onto something here. Right? Gulp.
Reviewing the album as a whole is unfair. Let’s pick out what worked and what
didn’t– because some of us lost our virginities listening to The Strokes.

1. Taken For a Fool

Kind of a no brainer here. This song, more than any others on the
record, strokes that special Strokes-centric part of your brain you
developed in Eighth grade. It teases you—what if they made a whole
album of songs like this? No super huge tricks here, just a solid
construction that manages to traverse a zip-zap chorus, a loopy-doopy
bridge and a banger of a chorus with a spastic guitar solo break. Who
cares what Julian is saying—he’s pissed off and so are we. That’s how
we like it.

2. Machu Piccu

Okay. Let them have some fun. Let them be on an island with monkeys
and coconuts. Bongos? Fine. In-your-face stadium chord hooks?
Yes. Don’t deny it. You can dance to this song, albeit like Elaine from
Sienfeld. I may be out on a limb here (monkeys) but this song makes
me feel like I’ve given the car keys to my teenage son for the first time
so he could take his date to the zoo. On the way back from his zoo-
date he got some guy to airbrush a palm tree on the hood of the car
and some bikini chicks lounging along the side panels. My son is going
to be so cool. But most importantly the car is safe. Phew.

3. Gratisfaction

Another obviously likeable song. What’s that? Some Billy Joel? It’s
cool what Julian does with his lyrics here—it’s like he’s playing Tetris
with words. The chorus is big and ridiculous almost sounds like some
Queen-for-kids instructional video. It brings to mind that great chord-
slamming chorus from ‘You Only Live Once’ where Julian did the
Bono-style “oh-oh” thing between everything he said. Sigh. This is

better than that. This will probably be the song I put on the mixtape I
make for my son when I try to introduce him to “late period Strokes”.
He’ll probably not want to listen to it because he thinks I’m lame. But
then I’ll take away his jetpack privileges.

4. Under Cover of Darkness

This song only gets dropped down below the previous two because I
played it to death when it came out a month ago. Hell, I played the 30-
second preview posted on Amazon.com to death before the full song
even came out. I’m sick of all of it now (especially those thirty seconds
in the preview), but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good song. Obviously
Nick and Nikolai’s cooperative guitar/bass breaks are the highlight
here. Does it sound like idol worship to call them by their first names?
The chorus is like having a bald eagle serve you cotton candy at a
town fair. The guitar solo is ambitious with the break down then
staggeringly elementary with the comeback. A good lead-off single
though. They almost had us all fooled.

5. Life is Simple in the Moonlight

Here’s where things start to get dicey. It’s all downhill from here. But
I really like this song. It strikes a chord deep in my heart. It would
probably make me cry on the airplane (I cry a lot on airplanes).
When I sing along with it, I furrow my brow and look off into the
distance like Barack Obama thinking about Guantanamo Bay or which
cigarettes to buy because they’re out of his flavor at the White House
Store. The hook in this one is great—it’s that mid-chorus lift—that
special chord you didn’t expect to happen. Without it the song would
be DOA. Because I said so.

6. Games

Alright. Now we’re getting to the mean parts. It’s like having to scold
your new puppy. What do you do? You can’t waterboard a puppy.
You also can’t waterboard a song. This one almost succeeds at the
whole new-wave resurrection thing the Strokes have been picking
at (like a scab) since the last record, and maybe a bit before. And yes,
this song sounds like it was recorded in a dark, cold room with a few
overweight dudes holding glow-sticks for mood lighting– but don’t let
that get you down—it’s really not that bad. The breakdown section is dreamy.

7. Two Kinds of Happiness

This is pretty much a mediocre Cars song. The Cars were (sorry, are)
great, but they already have so many mediocre songs. You don’t need
to help them, Los Strokes! The chorus turns into some Kings of Leon-
Black Eyed Peas-U2 at the super bowl thing. Don’t they understand?
We don’t want you in a stadium! We want you to magically appear in
our childhood garages and punch out the windows of mom’s Volvo.
I want your 3-D hologram images to perform at my son’s Robo-bar
mitzvah.

8. Call Me Back

The Strokes’ track record with slow jams isn’t great. Their most
cringe-inducing song ever, ‘Ask Me Anything’ from the album which
will not be named is the song that made me go on anti-depressants.
Meanwhile ‘Under Control’ is still genuine masturbation material. ‘Call
Me Back’ is close to bad, and it if wasn’t for Julian’s cool vocal
arrangements at the end there would be little holding me back from
full-on Japanese suicide. But there’s something endearing about this
slow, drum-less thing. Maybe they needed more bongos. They
should have hung onto that monkey island vibe a little longer.

9. You’re So Right

We’re getting to the bitter end. The only reason why this one got a leg
up from the last spot is because Nick V’s guitar solo is kind of insane.
But there’s no excuse for that doubled over talk-singing thing that’s
going on here. I think Radiohead did it once. Ke$ha does things like
this. Ke$ha– you know, the one who is a nightmare slut? No? You
forgot about her? Good.

10. Metabolism

Did The Strokes learn nothing from ‘Heart in a Cage’? This kind of
go-nowhere faux-metal descent into hell is like having a plate of
undercooked scrambled eggs thrown into your lap. Go watch 2005’s
Cheaper by the Dozen 2. In it, Steve Martin’s character gets ungodly
amounts of scrambled eggs everywhere– all over himself, the kitchen,
even the ceiling fan. It’s the comedy pillar of the film. That’s what the
people who made that movie had to resort to for laughs—scrambled
eggs. But why do the Strokes have to resort to scrambled eggs?

They’re the best band in the world. Right?

Well that’s it. Those are all the songs—with ‘Metabolism’ coming in dead last. Should
The Strokes make another album? Yes. ASAP. Should they do interviews about how
much they hate each other’s guts? No. The Strokes are supposed to be the ultimate
cool dudes forever. Cool dudes means cool friend time—not teenage girl whiny
time. But if you’ve ever seen a band documentary (Some Kind of Monster, End of the
Century) you know that band members eventually just want to kill each other. Let’s
hope they can keep it together a little while longer—and rediscover that muse they
found somewhere on Ludlow street before the millennium. Maybe they should move
to Brooklyn. Just kidding. Now do yourself a favor and go listen to The Walkmen.

You wander into the dark hotel on eleventh avenue and walk through a dimly lit hall. They take your coat and ticket and motion towards a dim light in the distance. You walk through pitch-blackness, hands in front of you, through a winding hallway. Before your eyes have had time to adjust, you pull back a velvet curtain and find yourself in a 1930s jazz club. They offer you punch and you drink it down quickly. A jazz trio sets up on a small stage surrounded by an audience mostly in their twenties and thirties. Soon you are escorted onto a small, crowded elevator.

But first you are given a mask. A white masquerade mask that curves grotesquely at the bottom. Everyone in the elevator is wearing the same mask. When you step out of the elevator, you will all be ghosts.

The elevator stops at the fifth floor. Two guests are allowed out. The door shuts and you are taken to the fourth floor. You and one other are let out. The rest continue down.

You walk into what looks and feels like a cobblestone street. Jazz records from the ’30s are blaring. To your left is a dark room filled with specimen jars and other witchcraft. To your right is a macabre version of a century-old natural history museum, or a taxidermist’s study.

You make your way across the dark cobble-stoned street and slip into a photography studio. Behind the studio, separated by floor-to-ceiling shelves, is the darkroom. Photos of decomposing female bodies are hung to dry. All at once a horde of ghosts flood into the darkroom, and at their center two men. Silently they grapple each other. You watch the fight but wordlessly slip away, to a narrow, dark hallway, up a flight of stairs, to the fifth floor.

You open the door and find yourself in an empty asylum. Rows of hospital beds, clipboards hanging next to each, with scribbled notes difficult to make out. In the next room are rows of bathtubs filled with stagnant water. You are completely alone. Through an open window you see a forest. You check the window, not trusting your eyes. Your hand goes through it. You take the door next to the window, and find yourself alone in the woods.

The woods are a silent, dark labyrinth. As you make your way through them, something catches your eye. In the center of the woods, separated by walls of trees, is what looks to be a live elk standing on a rock. You stand still and wait, and watch. He’s not moving. Was he moving before? You walk through the winding forest and finally find yourself in front of it. A blank stare. Stuffed. It is still silent, you are still alone, now in the middle of the woods. A door opens on the other side of the forest and you notice a large black iron gate. A man walks to the gate and tries to open it. A heavy chain keeps it locked. He continues trying. Terrified you speed through the rest of the labyrinth, hoping he hasn’t seen you. You walk through a door and once again find yourself in the asylum. A small room used for electro shock therapy. The psychologist’s office. Scattered are reports of Lady Macbeth. She isn’t doing well.

On the fourth floor you are greeted by a vast expanse of ruins. Statues of angels, of women, of demons dot the foggy landscape. The music is a heavy, rumbling drone. Passing through the decays of what might have been a cemetery, you find yourself in a graveyard lined with simple crosses as gravestones. The ghosts flood the area, and a woman pushing a baby carriage emerges. She lifts what must be a child from the carriage, but it disintegrates into sand. A man follows her, a few minutes later, and the enter into a house, climbing to the top high shelves in their living room, doing a twisted dance in the corner, against the ceiling.

Room after room after room. In one is the baby’s crib, above it, strung from the ceiling, are headless babies, in a web. The ghosts whisper of an orgy on the fourth floor, naked dancers, a goat-faced man, and a woman giving birth to the son of Satan. You make your way back, but only find an empty bar.

Down another flight of stairs. You’ve forgotten what floor you are on. It’s the hotel lobby, thick with ghosts. A woman angrily checks into the hotel. An empty restaurant borders it. There is Haggis on the menu.

When you make your way to the stairwell again, a procession of ghosts races from the top floor to the bottom. You follow them down. When you walk into the basement, you find yourself on a balcony overlooking a large ballroom filled with dancers. As you stand at the edge, the music gradually changes from a waltz into a nightmarish drone. One woman is left dancing alone. She slowly pulls her hair, and it gradually falls out, until she is bald and the room’s lighting has shifted. It’s phantasmagoric. You are at the edge of a nightmare.

You make your way through the hotel again. The lobby where another woman checks in. The asylum. The jazz club. You find the stairwells blocked by masked men who only allow you to make your way down. You enter the basement again, in time to see the whole of it packed with ghosts. At the center there is a long dining room table filled with well-dressed people. The music drones and the guests move in slow motion. A noose is produced. A man hangs himself. The music stops. The lights fade. You slowly make your way back to the jazz club, through the black halls, out into New York again.

You know if you came back, the experience would be different, every time.