10. Jessie’s Girl – Lusting for a best friend’s girl is pretty much the worst breach in Bro Code.

9. Every Breath You Take – Sting – The quintessential stalker song.

8. Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocal Band – The upbeat afternoon quickie song. Immortalized by Arrested Development when father and daughter karaoke sing this song to one another.

7. Turning Japanese – The Vapors – Too much masturbation leaves you squinting like a stereotypical Japanese person.

6. Stacy’s Mom – Fountains of Wayne – About being in love with your girlfriend’s mother and how incomparable she is to her progeny.

5. Strokin’ – Clarence Carter – A heartfelt song about having sex all day/all year, and inevitably making girls orgasm because your name is Clarence Carter.

4. My Ding a Ling – Chuck Berry – Momma teaches her son what a ding a ling is, and he goes on to have adventures with it for the rest of his life.

3. Oingo Boingo – Little Girls – Danny Elfman before he went ahead and became a world renowned musical composer made songs about pedophilia.

2. Father Figure – George Michael – About George Michael emulating your father and his role in your life, and making you fall in love with him because that’s what you always wanted… isn’t it?

1. Baby it’s cold outside – Dean Martin – The age old song about date rape tops the charts with tried and true methods of getting in the door such as “But baby it’s cold outside”.

Honorable Mentions:

Closer – Nine Inch Nails – Pretty aggressive song about having sex with a lady.

Camel Toe – Fanny Pack – Teenage girls runaround a play ground discussing the unhappy issue some women face.

Childhood – Michael Jackson – Controversially awful depending on how you interpret this song and whether or not the allegations of child molestation are true.

What What in the Butt – Samwell – How enjoyable having sex with another man truly is.

I Touch Myself – Divinyls – A wonderful song about masturbation from the 80′s.

I love board games.

I mean, really, who doesn’t?  (I’m assuming you do, or you wouldn’t have gotten this far in this post – even though it’s just the first paragraph.)  In fact, I love them so much that I have a blog dedicated simply to board games (it’s called Board Game Reviews by Josh; you know, because my name is Josh.)

So, when I was asked to name the Top Ten board games, I was quite flattered, excited, and honestly overwhelmed. There are only… well, 50,000 to choose from (that’s not an exaggeration). And I’ve only played 100′s of them personally. So, keep in mind two things:

1) I love lots of games that I had to cut from this list and
2) you can comment and tell me which ones I missed, because there are probably over 49,500 that I still need to try.

Finally, if you’re curious about what you see, I’ve added a link to a review of each of the games – check them out and I’m sure that you’ll find at least one that you will fall in love with! Without further ado, here we go:

10. Dominion

This game created and continues to define a genre. It’s called a “deck building game” because you spend the game building a deck of cards from common piles in front of you. It’s quick to play, but incredibly engaging! You will rarely stop playing after only one try.

9. PitchCar

Just because it’s a “board game” doesn’t mean it has to be strategic. PitchCar is all about dexterity – who can flick their car around the track the fastest. You can go for the power shot, but if you go flying off the board then it was a wasted turn! Simple enough that anyone can enjoy it, fun enough that everyone will want to join in. Fortunately, it can be played with up to 8 players (for a very crowded track).

8. Lord of the Rings: The (Living) Card Game

The oddball on the list, this game doesn’t actually use a board of any kind. Yet, with the continually released expansions, this game is a fresh experience almost every time you play it. What’s more – it’s the only cooperative game that made my list; so if you’re looking for a good game to play with your friends instead of against them, this is a good one to try.

7. Dvonn

Abstract and beautiful. Dvonn is hard to put into words, but is a masterfully crafted abstract strategy game, and more people should know it!

6. Summoner Wars

This might be the best two-player game ever created. With the different number of races that can be played, it is hard to master Summoner Wars. Yet, only taking about 30 minutes per game, you can still find yourself spending hours trying.

5. Battlestar Galactica

Probably the longest game on this list, a game of Battlestar Galactica can easily take over two hours. However, the intrigue of trying to figure out which of your friends is the cylon that is trying to betray you can make all of that time worth it! (Just make sure that you catch them before you start feeling that knife in your back.)

4. Heroscape

Ah, Heroscape. This is probably the biggest “mass market” game on this list, which allowed thousands (if not millions) of people to try this masterpiece. With a customizable board, dozens of armies, and a fairly simple ruleset, Heroscape is a wonderful mix of depth and excitement.

3. Ra

If you’re looking for a game about auctions, Ra is for you. This is currently at the top of my list of auction games, and depending on the day of the week could easily sneak into my #1 spot for games overall!

2. Risk 2210 AD

One of the first games that got me into this world of board gaming, Risk 2210 takes what you are comfortable with (the classic game of Risk) and adds several new elements to make for a brilliant new experience. The only war game to crack my list, I have played Risk 2210 dozens, if not hundreds, of times.

1. Puerto Rico

I debated this, but didn’t figure I could justifiably put any game other than Puerto Rico as my overall #1. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Puerto Rico should be constantly blushing. I can think of three games off the top of my head (that are all fun to play!) that borrow heavily from the mechanics of Puerto Rico. Yet, with all the imitators, there is still not a game that beautifully balances as many strategic decisions into as elegant of an experience as Puerto Rico.

From light cycles facing off against a Daft Punk soundtrack, to a small-town arcade master getting employed by aliens, to Fred Savage – there is so much class to be had in Machinima.com’s list of Top Ten Video Game movies.

For those times when you’re all out of video games to play, but are kinda in the mood for some passive video-game-esque entertainment.

Plus, I hear #8 is a real  classic.

Our top 10 is sure to remind you of some well loved classic rock ballads, so you might even be tempted to pause your game of partypoker or your Facebook chat to download some songs off iTunes or listen to them via YouTube. Let’s begin the countdown.

10. Hysteria – Muse

9. Smoke on the Water – Deep Purple

8. Brown Sugar – The Rolling Stones

7. Sweet Child of Mine – Guns and Roses

6. Purple Haze -Jimi Hendrix

5. Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin

4. Eruption – Van Halen

3. You Really Got Me Going – The Kinks

2. Paranoid – Black Sabbath

1. Wanted Dead of Alive – Bon Jovi

Who could defeat the amazing guitar work of Richie Sambora, lead guitarist of the 80s rock band Bon Jovi? The cowboy inspired song begins rather subdued before erupting into a blast of amazing guitar work. Wanted Dead or Alive is from the 1986 album Slippery When Wet, which also features some of the band’s other well known songs including Living on a Prayer and Shot Through the Heart. It was the first hard rock album to have 3 top 10 hits on the Billboard Hot 100. The song reflects Jon Bon Jovi’s admiration for Old West heroes and how he relates to them, being hated by some people but loved by others, hence wanted dead or alive.

Word lovers can be an odd bunch.

We get stuck on words – repeat our favorites out loud too often, sing them, roll them around in our mouths like marbles. We sneak big words into conversation when smaller words will do – just to test their reality out in the world. We give friends and family out-there nicknames because we like their staccato or assonance. Some of our favorite movies, books and poems can be boiled down to a few word choices that blew us away. (Song of Myself’s “barbaric yawp” or Fight Club’s “I am Jack’s…”) Word choice affects us in ways we might be embarrassed to admit – it dictates what websites we visit and don’t visit (sorry Microsoft, The Sopranos owns the word bing). It tells us what brands we choose to buy (Adidas > Asics) what bands we listen to (Arcade Fire, Velvet Underground) and might even decide more mundane things like the car we drive (Corolla is the all-time bestseller – love that word).

What makes a word beautiful? To borrow from Lee Thornton, words have three forms of existence: the sonic (its pronunciation), the aesthetic (its shape) and its meaning (both objectively and the way we feel its meaning). Our favorite words either shine in one category, or hit a home run on all three counts. Often onomatopoeia plays a role, giving our favorite words that little something extra when they exude their meaning in their pronunciation.

I won’t even pretend to make a list which is in any way objective. Instead, here are my top ten, starting at #10 (I didn’t want to mar the words with numbers). I hope this adds some words to your favorites list. If you have a minute, please return the favor and add your favorite words in the comments. Bonus points for explaining your love.

tranquil

Because its sound suggests the serene sea it describes. Spanish one-ups it with ‘tranquilo’ giving it more balance.

aphrodisiac

An ancient word from the Greeks dolled up to describe catalysts to the procreant urge of the world.

awesome

No word better represents our inability to nuance, describing most anything with a word meant to classify only the most daunting.

onanistic

A dirty Biblical word in academic clothing, it lets us label things as so many things need to be labeled these days: masturbatory.

delirium

The most beautiful word for madness, with a whiff of the euphoric. Aesthetically and sonically sublime.

fuck

A word impregnated by every meaning under the sun – entire sentences can be built out of it, entire books use it as a fulcrum. For centuries it’s the single word that guarantees reaction.

inexorable

Sound it out – it turns like the gear powering the steamroller it represents.

liminal

An impossibly onomatopoeic word, the very boundaries it describes represented by the “l” at either end of it, and the space it occupies sang by the way it’s breathed.

ethereal

Like its definition, a word that sounds too perfect for this world – too delicate, wispy and insubstantial. Catching it in prose, it feels like seeing a rare specimen in captivity. Saying it sounds like breathing out stardust.

nepenthe

The most beautiful word in our language – aesthetically (it dips under to rise again), sonically (the consonant hardness of the P carried through by the whisper of the suffix) and in meaning (a drug that banishes grief through forgetfulness). As old as Homer and only made more beautiful by the passing millennia.

10. Donald Byrd: Flight Time/Nas: NY State of Mind

9. Dennis Edwards: Don’t Look Any Further/Eric B. & Rakim: Paid In Full

8. Grand Funk Railroad: Nothing is the Same/The Roots: Rising Down

7. Billy Brooks: Forty Days/A Tribe Called Quest: Luck of Lucien

6. Wendy Rene: After Laughter (Comes Tears)/Wu-Tang Clan: Tearz

5. Cris Williamson: Shine On Straight Arrow/JayLib (J Dilla and MadLib): The Red

4. The Jackson Five: Maybe Tomorrow/Ghostface Killah: All That I Got Is You

3. Prague Orchestra: Maria Religiosa/Nas and Jay-Z: Black Republicans

2. Ann Peebles: Trouble, Heartbreak & Sadness/Gza featuring Method Man: Shadowboxin

1. Marvin Gaye: Make Me Wanna Holler/Papoose: Flashback

My brother Jesse and me, with a spray-painted snowman in front of our childhood home, circa 1987.

Excuse me while I get a little personal. Back in September I went to visit my parents for a full 12 days. For the first time in my entire adult life, I wasn’t compelled to immediately go do something else. Sure, I had lunch dates with friends, and fit in a little karaoke. But on a whole, I mostly spent my time hanging out with my parents. And not only did no one die from it, but in fact no one wanted to kill anyone else either. Spending time with my parents was not only pleasant, but (gasp!) actually enjoyable. Each day my mom taught me how to make something different out of the secret family recipe book. My dad and I went blueberry hunting and happened upon a black bear. We all watched procedural dramas and ate dinner on the couch with the dogs. My mom shared her snuggie. My dad shared the car. For the first time since they moved across the country, Seattle really felt like home.

This week I had surgery. Nothing too serious – the kind where they kick you home the same day with a stockpile of percocet. But also the kind where I’m on (absolutely bored out of my mind) bedrest for a week. And I miss having my mom here. (Sorry dad.) It got me thinking about home. The idea of home as something ephemeral. Transient, even. Musicians across all genres have tried to capture this in song to varying degrees of success, and I’ve spent the last three days in bed (as instructed) culling the possibilities down to a suitable mix.

Mom, Dad, I don’t say it enough, but… Thanks. This mix is for you.

And Without Further Ado, The Top Ten Songs for Being Home Away From Home (Okay, okay, there are 11 songs, not 10. Sue me.):

1. Christina Perri – Arms
I shazamed this song when I heard it on the radio while driving back from Massachusetts on September 11th. It planted the seeds for wanting to make this mix in the first place.

…I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope that you catch me ’cause I’m already falling. I’ll never let a love get so close. You put your arms around me and I’m home…

2. Billy Joel – You’re My Home
I knew this song existed, and I could almost hear it in my brain, but I kept thinking it was Jim Croce or Neil Diamond or someone else whose records my dad made me listen to as a child.

…Well I never had a place that I could call my very own, but that’s alright my love ’cause you’re my home…

3. Chantal Kreviazuk – It Feels Like Home To Me
I will never forget the first time I heard this song. Scott Fried was singing it. That remains the loveliest version of this Randy Newman song I have ever heard, but the CK version is a close second. (Not to overdue references to Neil Diamond, but he also covers this song, and it reminds me of Horatio Caine in CSI:Miami.)

…Feels like home to me, feels like I’m all the way back where I come from. Feels like home to me, feels like home to me, feels like I’m all the way back where I belong…

4. O.A.R. – I Feel Home
This band takes me back to college.

…I feel home, when I see the faces that remember my own. I feel home, when I’m chilling outside with the people I know. I feel home, and that’s just what I feel. Home to me is reality, and all I need something real…

5. The Magnetic Fields – You’re My Only Home
I love how many songs off of the 69 Love Songs triptych are actually really really sad.

…I will stay if you let me stay, and I’ll go if you let go; but I won’t go far away because you’re my only home…

6. Adele – Lovesong
Yes, a cover of The Cure, but I like this version better.

…Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again. Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again…

7. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros – Home
I almost missed including this one because it is just so obvious.

…Home, let me come home, home is wherever I’m with you. Home, yes I am home. Home is whenever I’m with you…

8. Talking Heads – This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)
The first dance song at the wedding of my friends Koven and Madelyn.

…Home – is where I want to be, but I guess I’m already there. I come home, she lifted up her wings - guess that this must be the place…

9. 3 Doors Down – Your Arms Feel Like Home
From my g-chat with Alice while finalizing the song list for this mix: “I am currently listening to Talking Heads and wondering what kind of person finds it appropriate to put them on a mix with 3 Doors Down and if I will be judged in the afterlife for this decision.” For the record, I’m sure the answer is yes.

…I don’t care if I lost everything that I have known. It don’t matter where I lay my head tonight, your arms feel like home…

10. The Cinematic Orchestra – To Build A Home
Another sad one. But it has pretty piano!

…There is a house built out of stone, wooden floors, walls and window sills; tables and chairs worn by all of the dust. This is a place where I don’t feel alone; this is a place where I feel at home… Cause, I built a home for you, for me…

11. Chris Colfer (ft. Cory Monteith) - A House Is Not a Home
This song is so often covered, it was hard to pick a version. Helping to oversaturate is that it is an American Idol stand-by, highlighted in what seems like every season whether or not they have a Burt Bacharach week. I went with the Glee one, which gave me chills the first time I heard it.

…A chair is still a chair even when there’s no one sitting there. But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home, when there’s no one there to hold you tight, and no one there you can kiss goodnight…

Several ways to listen to this. Some browsers strip the streaming code, but if yours isn’t one of them, hit play below. If you have no idea what I am talking about, you can listen to this mix on 8tracks here. Or listen to it on rdio here. If you think of any I missed, feel free to leave them in the comments. Enjoy! 

9. A Little Night Music
I first saw this Sondheim musical at the Ravinia Festival in Chicago starring Patti LuPone about the time I was finishing high school.  I mention it here, not because it was such a singular production (far from it actually) but because it was the first time I fully understood, or really began to understand, the amazing power of a Sondheim show.  Even with minimal staging, the story and music were evocative and resonant, an intelligence pervaded the evening that I’m not sure I had ever seen on stage before.  And thus a life-long passion was born… to see every single thing Sondheim ever touched performed in every possible venue, revival and iteration.

8. The Phantom of the Opera
I can’t remember when I first saw it, or count the number of times I’ve seen it since, but this show will always mark the beginning of my love of musicals.  The combination of big theatrics, melodrama and horror filled my child-self with endless amounts of glee (it’d be a little while before Sweeney Todd would fill me with more bloody glee).  I know many people think the stage show hasn’t held up well (and I’m waiting for them to end the Broadway run so I can take a crack at reviving it) but I was happily surprised how much it still enchanted me just a year ago on Broadway.  That sweeping score is iconic, right down to the ‘80s organ blasts.

7. Dr. Atomic
I’ve already written about this Metropolitan Opera production way too many times, so I’ll keep it brief.  It’s a phenomenal piece of stagecraft, a wonderful distillation of an event too big for any particular venue or medium, a score that challenges and delights and a thoroughly satisfying evening that got me closer to understanding the atrocities of a bomb than any book or documentary ever has.  And I even realized more how incredible it was as a stage piece when a symphonic recording constructed by Adams himself failed to bring me back into the moment when I sat in the theater entranced.

6. Pillowman
A little bit of love for this piece has to do with being a freshman in college and being ecstatic just at the thought of living in the same city as this amazing theater is being performed.  Beyond that this play pushed deep into my bones a sense of dread and excitement at horrible atrocities, a nightmare coming to life on stage.  Billy Crudup and Jeff Goldblum anchored this show so beautifully.  I’m sorry that I only managed to get there the week before it closed because I would have loved to see it again, but I truly only needed to see it once to make an everlasting impression.

5. Audra McDonald at Carnegie Hall
Or really any time Audra takes the stage.  I don’t know a performer more captivating in every format.  In a fully staged show she is luminous.  On a recording her voice transcends the medium and delivers a complete character study, even when singing in Portuguese. In a staged reading she performs as if she’s lived with the material her whole life.  On TV… well, let’s leave that out.  But it was when I saw her at Carnegie Hall, in a concert devoted to songs about things that “freaked the hell out of her,” that I completely fell in love.  She was effortless and human, emotionally resonant with a sense of joy for life that I wish could be bottled.  There are two moments from that show that I will never forget.  One was her final encore, singing “Edelweiss” at the front of the stage without any amplification… you’ve never heard a New York City audience so quiet.  And her take on “The Glamorous Life” from the film version of A Little Night Music.  She introduced it as her greatest fear of what her daughter would grow up thinking of her mother.  It was such a naked moment, no artifice and immediately reminded me of the first time I ever saw her perform at Ravinia and she apologized at the possibility she might quickly flee the stage at any given moment because she was pregnant and her morning sickness came at night.  Her daughter is now 11.

4. Floyd Collins
I saw an early rendition of this musical at The Goodman Theater in Chicago and could only think, what an odd gem.  Mountain music mixed with a freaky true story of a man caught in a cave in Kentucky… yeah, that just screams make me into a musical.  But it works.  The stage was mostly bare and yet you absolutely felt like you were trapped with that man under a rock, claustrophobic and horrifying.  Then there was the yodeling, repeated around the entire theater to create the echoes of a cavern.  It was a wonderful combination of stagecraft, music and storytelling, an attention to detail and beauty that is all too rare in the modern musical.

3. Quidam
This might be standing in for the larger entity of Cirque du Soleil, which is pretty much the only organization that has captivated my imagination ceaselessly since I unsuccessfully fought falling asleep at a way too young age during Saltimbanco.  It was easy for me to say that they turned their own artistry into a cliche, but then I saw LOVE in Vegas and was reminded of the sheer delight and mastery of production, there was no cliche to mock.  Quidam however has always stood out as the darkest entry in the Cirque catalog with its fantastic cribbing from Magritte.  The music from that show has always been my favorite, and in many ways, it seemed to be one of their simplest productions, focused on a very human fantasy, smaller and more emotionally true.

2. Satyagraha
There was no question I was going to be thrilled seeing this opera, it’s Philip Glass!  But I had no clue what I was really in for.  Not only was the score everything I could have hoped for, but the ingenuity of this production was unreal.  The puppets, the tape, the hangers… these are not things you plan on seeing on stage at The Metropolitan Opera, but there is all was, a performance art piece in place of the usual gilded lavish set pieces.  A transcendent night at the opera.

1. Sleep No More
Ok, technically not in a theater, but it’s a theater piece, so that works, right? I seriously can’t think of anything else that has so hugely stuck in my head, my body, my soul.  It’s such a complete vision that even minor quibbles I might have with it are completely lost to the fact that the minute I walked through that darkened tunnel and into that bar, I had left my life behind and was completely immersed in an interactive world more real than any computer generated flashy bit of stage craft that has been whipped up to try to overwhelm an audience into submission.  Maybe it’s just a product of taking down the divide between actor and audience, but I think there’s a whole lot more going on in this piece to draw you deep into another world.

Below, I present to you ten totally fictional, but awesomely varied, tough and sassy ladies who have earned my support over the years.  And to the writers (Aaron, your ‘ladies’ made this list TWICE.  We NEED you!!!!) who created them, I thank you.

1.  Claudia Jean ‘CJ’ Cregg, The West Wing

“The more I know, the more I can help you.  And don’t be concerned with my exposure — I’m not your daughter, I’m the White House Press Secretary.”

boom.

Serving as the face of the Bartlett Administration, CJ, initially finds herself immersed in a bit of a boys’ club, only to TOTALLY DOMINATE… and get promoted to White House Chief of Staff.  Take that, glass ceiling!  But seriously, in a job where she is required to face/accept a number of unpleasant realities, on a daily basis, this woman handles herself with the utmost grace and optimism (even when she falls down, which she does… frequently), and is never afraid to dish out a little tough love, when need be.  And oh yeah… she raps.

2.  Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

“What I, like, dread is when people who know you in completely different ways end up in the same area. You have to develop this, like, combination you on the spot.” 

Angela’s insights never stop being true.  So painfully true.  Even now.

Back in 1995, it meant so much to see a young girl be so thoughtful and observant, inquisitive about the world around her.  Now it’s important because Angela helped us learn to identify the Jordan Catalanos in the actual world.  He’s not tortured, okay.  He wrote a song about his car.

3.  Beatrix Kiddo, a.k.a. The Bride, a.k.a. Black Mamba, Kill Bill Vol. 1 & Kill Bill Vol. 2

“You and I… have unfinished business.”

The amount of suffering this woman endures– physical, mental and emotional– is enough to destroy, I mean, utterly demolish a normal human psyche.  But she’s not a superhero.  And she’s not a vigilante.  And she’s not crazy… or sane.  This is a story about choices, and this woman makes hers, without apology.

And hello!  Who wouldn’t want access to a samurai sword??

4.  Daria Morgendorffer, Daria

“Smart is not a four-letter word. That would be smar-”

For all her dryness and sardonic wit, Daria was always willing to admit that she didn’t have all the answers.  But she made it cool to be smart… and always made me laugh.

5.  Lelaina Pierce & Vickie Miner, Reality Bites

“I was really going to be something by the age of 23.” — Lelaina

“Evian… is naive spelled backwards.” — Vickie

Ah, the 90s.  For much of my adolescence, these two characters embodied the complexity of the modern young woman, and the idea that ambition can be applied to any career path and any lifestyle.

After Lelaina gets canned from a bullshit job that she’s obviously overqualified for, and then TOTALLY FAILS at finding another one, you know what she does? Girlfriend hustles, that’s what.  No tears, no panicking.  And when her artistic efforts get completely disfigured by a trashy cable network, she has enough self-awareness and integrity to be appropriately insulted and outraged.  And kudos for being one of the few fictional 20-something women who don’t aspire to work at a fashion magazine.  No offense to the fashion industry.  Most of us appreciate pretty clothes, but like… it’s not every girl’s dream, okay.

And Vickie can hang simply because of that hilarious/heartbreaking diatribe about how her life is like “some crappy show like Melrose Place” and people will come to her funeral wearing “halter tops and chokers or some shit.”

6.  Clair Huxtable, The Cosby Show

ow, ow!!!

7.  Amelia ‘Amy’ Gardner, The West Wing

“I didn’t burn by bras, J.  In fact, I like my bras.  I ring your bell when it’s important.”

Oh, snap!

Not many people can keep up with the likes of Joshua “Special J” Lyman, let alone level him WITH HER EYES.  Ivy League educated and a devoted public servant, Amy is most certainly not meek.  In fact, you get the feeling that the early years of her career were spent being sorely underestimated, allowing her to hone her ball-busting skills.  What I love about her is that she acknowledges the distinction between (as CJ once put it) women’s issues and dumb women’s issues.  Upon her first meeting with the Bartlett Administration, she calmly and charmingly asserts herself as someone who should definitely be taken seriously… complete with balloon animals.

8.  Faith Lehane, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy: “Wait. Stop! Think.”
Faith: “No. No. No.”

I know there are comic book fans in this circle, so here’s some very brief backstory, if you’ve never seen the show.  Faith is a slayer who crosses over to the dark side and then reforms again.  The writers drew inspiration for her character from Elektra, of Daredevil fame.  And that picture (from the Buffy Season 8 comic) kind of says it all.

I do love Buffy (the character), but creatively, I have a soft spot for Faith.  In most stories, women are rarely permitted to make mistakes to the degree that she does and still be redeemed.  And if they are, it’s usually only in death.  Faith is driven by self-loathing, in deeds both good and evil.  It’s an important part of our humanity that is endlessly explored in men, but rarely in women, unless she’s like… sexually abused or a drug addict or a hooker or something.

9.  Maria Elena, Vicky Christina Barcelona

“Not talent.  I’m not talking about talent.  I said gen-i-ous.”

To deem her solely crazy is just unimaginative.  Rarely have I seen a female character so emotionally aware and completely undaunted by her dark side, and without the obligatory tattoos, piercings and black eyeliner.*  She’s totally unfiltered, totally unapologetic, totally punk rock!

*Nothing wrong with any of those things, but if clothes don’t make the man, they certainly don’t make the woman either.

10.  Mona Lisa Vito, My Cousin Vinny

“Oh my god, what a fuckin’ nightmare!”

I mean… how do you not love her?  That floral jumpsuit she wears while stomping her feet, fretting about her biological clock???  Amazing.

Yes, Lisa wants the big church wedding, ‘with bridesmaids and flowers’, but she’s not just chasing down a diamond ring.

She’s got her own set of skills: she’ll fix your car and style your hair, all in the same day!

She actually reads the newspaper: Jerry Gallo’s dead.

She’s resourceful: no traveler’s checks?  No worries!  She’ll hustle up some money with a friendly game of pool.  Just don’t stiff her when you lose.

But most importantly, she’s both authentic and a good girlfriend: proof that the two should never be considered mutually exclusive.

And even though it’s played for laughs, Vinny and Lisa actually have one of the most healthy relationships I’ve ever seen on screen.

Don’t see the awesome lady of your dreams on this list?  Tweet ‘em to me!  @jiunkwon

Finally you have a solid reason to buy that Around-the-World plane ticket. The fifty most mouth-watering burgers, spread from New York to New Zealand. From a burger made of cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, fried egg, pineapple, beet root, and bbq – to a burger dubbed the Goblin Cock – finally you can traverse the globe questing for the ultimate heart attack.

Top 50 Burger Joints In the World

And here are ten that won’t force you to cross the pond (if you’re American, of course).

Kuma’s Corner (Chicago, IL)

Embrace your naughty side and order up a Goblin Cock (Hey pervert, that’s a burger with aChicago dog served on top). Or maybe try one of the other 21 heavy metal branded burgers, all served on a fresh pretzel roll.

Port of Call (New Orleans, LA)

Port of Call is the type of place you’d expect to have been one of Blackbeard’s favorite bars. Wood paneling, sailor décor, and men with beards. The burgers are as simple as a huge great tasting patty with a handful of shredded cheddar cheese on top.

Vortex Bar & Grill (Atlanta, GA)

The Double Bypass Burger from The Vortex: Half a pound of sirloin patty topped with 2 fried eggs, 6 slices of American cheese, and eight slices of bacon. Oh, I almost forgot, instead of a bun, it’s held together with 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. My Heart!

Ray’s Hell Burger(Washington, DC)

500 Yelp reviews and no one is talking about this restaurant. Everyone is talking about the burger! With Foie Gras and cognac sautéed mushrooms as some of the toppers on the menu (and prices starting around $7) this is a gourmet burger at a working man’s price.

Good Dog Bar (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

3 words: Good Dog Burger. ½ lb. sirloin patty (ground in house) stuffed with Roquefort cheese that oozes out of the center, finished off with caramelized onions and centered between a brioche bun. Not the best place for travelers to begin a new diet.

Vortex’s very famous burger. Photo: curt

Corner Bistro (New York, NY)

Corner Bistro is a dive with speedy service and a great atmosphere. Their Bistro Burger is a classic that all other bacon cheeseburgers should be judged against. A thick patty served with lettuce, tomato, onion, cheese, and bacon. (Editor’s Note: Eff this place. Go across the street to Jane Street Tavern and have a real burger).

Buster’s on 28th (Minneapolis, MN)

Buster’s burgers are always said to be perfectly cooked and always tasty. Apparently it’s all about the bison burger.

Shake Shack (New York, NY)

You may have to wait over an hour, but one bite into this critically acclaimed burger will make you forget all that. Dreamy beef and melted cheese topped with fresh lettuce and tomato. Simplicity done right. And since this is a “world” article, look out for the new Shake Shack location in Kuwait City, Kuwait.

Chris Madrid’s (San Antonio, TX)

Have you ever had dreams about drowning in cheese – and completely loving it? Chris Madrid’s will make your dreams come true. The large and charred patty is swamped in fresh cheddar. This burger is even cheesier than a hot dog in France.

Kincaid’s Hamburgers(Ft. Worth, TX)

An old grocery store transformed into a retro diner. The burger you’ll find here is not much different than your uncle’s famous char-grilled backyard burgers. Except better. Word is that it rivals some of the world’s best flame grilling.

9. Flick was played by Scott Schwartz. He was the rich brat in The Toy with Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleason and also starred in the lesser known TV film A Time to Live with Liza Minnelli and Corey Haim. After Haim’s death last year, his family asked Schwartz to sell Haim’s personal belongings on eBay to help raise money for his funeral.

Okay, this is getting too heavy too fast. Let’s keep things Christmas-y.

8. Jean Shepherd, whose semi-autobiographical stories create the basis for the film, is the narrator. He also has a cameo. When the 24-hour marathon rolls around, keep an eye out for the shopping mall dad who snootily directs Ralphie and Randy to the back of the Santa line. That’s Shep.

7. Jack Nicholson was interested in the role of Ralphie’s old man, Mr. Parker. But someone didn’t want to pay him that much money. (dramatic italics) Fortunately, the part was given to Darren McGavin, who CRUSHED it. Those facial expressions, those rants! I can’t imagine anyone else in that role. You deserve a PopTen post all to yourself, Mr. McGavin. R.I.P.

6. The Cleveland house that served as the Parker’s home has been gutted and restored to mirror its movie appearance, inside and out. Mega fanboy Brian Jones bought it on eBay in 1994 for $150,000. He used revenue from his Red Ryder Leg Lamp business for the down payment. Hellooooo, fra-gee-lay exports.

5. Barbara Billingsley, better known as TV sweetheart June Cleaver, was Peter Billingsley’s first cousin, once removed (at least until she and her husband divorced). She took Peter to some of his earliest auditions. Here’s one of his kiddy commercials, for Candyland. Don’t get stuck in Molasses Swamp!

4. The Red Ryder BB Gun in the movie wasn’t entirely accurate. Ralphie wanted a Red Ryder with a compass and a sundial, features found on the Daisy “Buck Jones” model. These were added to Ralphie’s Red Ryder, opposite the stock because Peter Billingsley is a leftie — a leftie whose grown-up self was an executive producer on The Break-Up and Iron Man.

3. Three of Shepherd’s short stories that helped create the basis of the film were originally published in Playboy in the mid ’60s. Playboy ran several more of his tales in the years that followed. You can see the illustrations that accompanied the stories here.

2. This exists: http://www.flicklives.com/

It’s dedicated to “the historical preservation of a modern day raconteur,” i.e. Jean Shepherd. Poking around the site will bring up links to Shepherd’s radio broadcasts and related stories.

1. A sequel called It Runs in the Family (aka My Summer Story) was released in 1994. Kieren Culkin plays Ralphie. In bigger and badder sequel fashion, the neighboring Bumpus family has 43 bloodhounds. Who knows if they stole the Old Man’s turkey?

A typically sad moment

When we think of cartoons, we tend to think of joyful animals prancing in a sunny meadow or a modern American family trying to get along without too many arguments or flashbacks. But there’s a dark underbelly to the comic and cartoon world and that underbelly is called sadness.

As shocking as it my seem, there are indeed sad cartoon characters – more than you might think. Here’s 10 of the most miserable, misunderstood characters who all share one thing in common; the longing for the sweet release of death.

10. Lamington

Ah, the nooner. When it comes down to it, there’s really little better in life than some sunny day, post-lunch pounding. Warm chocolate chip cookies and Point Break might come close, but even marathon sexcapades that happen after hours lack the spontaneous joie de vivre and raw gratuitous raunch of a midday rogering session.

And what takes those noontime occupations of Vagistan and raises them into the realm of holy coital Valhalla is some perfectly chosen music that keeps it fun, maybe a touch frolicsome, and definitely full of the right kind of drilltastic energy.

And this, friends, is what I hope to help you with.

These ten songs, listed with YouTube videos, and a Grooveshark mix HERE and at the end, should help stratospherize your diurnal jollies.

1. D’yer Maker – Led Zeppelin

This is the sexiest song that exists, objectively speaking. That boat-rocking, boots-knocking rhythm. Those choruses that each build to mini-climaxes. That sweltering, sweaty guitar riff. I’ve always wondered how many couples have fucked to this song live at Zeppelin concerts. (Oh the 70s…) Anyways, you need a strong starter song to set the mood immediately – and here it is.

2. Quattro (World Drifts In) – Calexico

It’s the rhythm with this one. They just nailed that rhythm. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that you could loop the first eight bars of this song for hours, and that’d be the perfect sex soundtrack. Still, the horn swells that start making cameos after the first verse are also pretty damn titillating. (And I use that word mammographically.) Romantics, there’s a bit of croonery in the verses that help the mood a bit. But mostly, I just can’t get enough of that sexotic interplay between the drums and the bass.

3. Come Back – Josh Rouse

The bass is fingers crawling up and down her back. To be honest, this wasn’t even a contender until I saw Josh Rouse live a few years ago, and realized the effect this had on the ladies in the audience. The bridge really seals the deal, with it’s ever more insistent repetitions of “Come Back, Come Back, Come Back”.

4. When the Levee Breaks – Led Zeppelin

I’ve got no qualms about putting two Zeppelin songs on here, as Zeppelin were indisputably The Sex. The most famous drum loop of all time builds and builds and builds with those catastrophic guitar riffs mounting like storm clouds. This song is reserved for those real mattress-breaking, fists-punching-into-the-walls sexpocalyptic sessions where the neighbors call the cops thinking they heard you murder your spouse. Consider yourself warned.

5. Whatever – Jill Scott

And after that mid-mix zenith of pipe laying fury – and the end of your session if your nooner was also a quickie – this is the cool down song. And what a song. Breezy, breezy soul. And with lyrics like this, it’s the perfect groove.

You pulled some tricks out your sleeve last night
Everything I fantasize about
You had me climbing up a wall
How many ways was God called
You represented in the fashion of the truly gifted
You put it down last night
Knocked me out then had me dreaming bout waking up, alright…

6. At the River – Groove Armada

The chill vibe continues – there’s something so sunny but so sensually languorous about this song. The mood just flows and flows…

7. No Ordinary Love – Sade

While D’yer Maker is as sexy as songs get, this is the best bumping uglies song out there, no question. If the foreplay has lasted too long (which is a nooner no-no – got to race back to the office in time, dudes!) this song should provide a much needed transition into good old fashioned log jamming.

8. Home – Zero 7

Zero 7’s entire first album, When It Falls, is the quintessential midday fuck soundtrack – you should nab that album before your next nooner. It’s perfect. Home is the standout track – you can feel the heat waves emanating from it. Silky smooth vocals, a sweetly droning sax, and some sparse guitar strings set the stage – and then gradually it builds and builds – not to an earth shattering crescendo (see When the Levee Breaks) but instead a really lovely wall of sound. And after it builds, it breaks down. Summer sexcapade perfection.

9. Anytime, Anyplace – Janet Jackson

First off, if you’re over twenty-five you remember pre-Nipplegate Janet Jackson – specifically the “Janet”-era Ms.Jackson, with the famous breastal Rolling Stone cover – and that Janet was enough to get anyone off. Even if you don’t make those sex-goddess associations with her, this song’s slinky riffs, Janet’s sultry croon, and those delicious pauses, make this one a slowburner. Let it ride…

10. Prototype – Outkast

Andre 3000’s Love Below was a mixed crop with one best-song-ever track – but Prototype is a bit of a hidden gem, as it’s a great afterglow track. You can close it out with this one.

Following are 10 core songs (plus a few key honorable mentions) that provided the soundtrack to when the hero was training for a fight, or was at the big game, or needed the courage to just step up and do what needed to be done. This is the soundtrack that is going to get me to my launch date. There are videos for reference, but you can stream the whole thing at the bottom as well.

Chariots of Fire – Vangelis – Theme from Chariots of Fire
I never actually knew what this movie was about, as I’d never seen it. But now I want to.

Rocky 3 – Survivor – Eye of the Tiger
I almost cut this out of fear it was too cliche, but then I remembered the theme of this mix.

Karate Kid – Joe Esposito – You’re The Best Around
Sweep the leg! (Come on, you know you were thinking it, too.)

St. Elmo’s Fire – John Parr – Man in Motion
I’ll be honest, I really love the other song (For Just A Moment – Love Theme) from this movie way more but it didn’t fit as well.

Short Circuit 2 – Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero
Yeah, this is also from Footloose. Who knew Bonnie Tyler was such an inspirational lightening rod?

Flashdance – Irene Cara – What A Feeling
This won an Academy Award for Best Song, a Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, a Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song, and an American Music Awards for Best R&B Female Artist and Best Pop Single of the Year. And yeah, it was also in The Full Monty.

Iron Eagle – King Kobra – Iron Eagle (Never Say Die)
Um, if you only watch one video in this entire list, do your self a favor and make it this one.

Teen Wolf – Mark Safan – Win In The End
100% this is the precursor to the amazingness of the final scenes in High School Musical (any of them.)

Mannequin – Starship – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
I honestly did not remember that this song was from this movie. But I knew it had to have been from some 80s movie. It was too inspirational not to be.

Top Gun – Kenny Loggins – Danger Zone
Duh.

Honorable Mentions:
These songs were either a) 80′s songs that were not actually in movies as the soundtrack to the training/go-get-’em scenes, or b) 100% fit the criteria, they were just a decade or two behind.

Europe – The Final Countdown
I realize that this is not a movie. It’s not even tv – it’s a bad video of someone’s tv. However, I couldn’t picture this mix without Gob Bluth.

Queen – I Want It All
This was not in any movie. But I do – I want it all. Or at the very least I want to launch this project on time.

Cast of Wet Hot American Summer – Higher and Higher
Okay when I told you earlier to watch the Iron Eagle video, I really meant watch the Wet Hot American Summer one. Chris Meloni has some serious moves.

Cast of High School Musical – We’re All In This Together
I mean, I mentioned it up above, so you had to be somewhat prepared for it. This is the one I send to my co-workers if we are still at our desks and it is after midnight. You’re welcome.

Congratulations! You’ve made it this far – Now you can stream the whole thing! Exclamation point!

*sorry, I couldn’t embed videos for all…

10. Dunya & Desie (ThreeDoubleYou)

This film is based on a Dutch television series about two best friends from different cultures.  Its wonderfully quirky prop-based title sequence is the work of Balder Westein of ThreeDoubleYou, based in Amsterdam.  Westein’s use of objects brings the audience into the film in a way that is immediately personal and helps establish the story with intimate details, even before we’ve seen a single frame of the film.  I already want to know if they’re still friends!

9. BreadCrumbs (Satan’s Pearl Horses)

This is such a beautiful use of illustration and imagery.  The film follows a group of filmmakers through the woods who come across two mysterious Hansel-and-Gretel-type kids.  Creeeepy.

*Upon seeing the trailer, this might be one of the aforementioned overshadowing title sequences

8. Playgrounds (Oncesize)

This piece opened Holland’s Playgrounds Festival.  It’s an amazing use of photography to create really subtle and sophisticated 3D imaging.  No movie, but it makes me totally want to hang with the Dutch.

7. Ex Drummer (Koen Mortier)

Amazing mix of reverse photography and use of props.  The action in this opening sequence Belgian film gives us great insight into these characters, three friends searching for a new drummer for their local band, and portends something violent and dark in their future.  Am I right???  I must find out.

6. Earthwork (Stan Herd)

Crop-titles for a documentary about the inventor of crop art!  FTW.  Kudos for visual cohesion, and for making me want to know all about this crazy-specific vocation.  LOVE.

5. Saippuaprines (Fake Graphics)

A comedy from Finland about a soap opera writer who falls in love with the star.  The title sequence is a 3D rendering a script, with fun and vibrant effects that make the whole thing come to life.

4. 7 Miljonärer (Fake Graphics)

It’s not just cause this is a Swedish film (Go Sweden!).  This sequence is the opening for a comedy about people fighting over a huge inheritance and the use of monopoly paraphernalia is especially inspired.  Little details sprinkled throughout are made clear only after you watch the film.  So… yeah, now I want to see it.

3. Splice (Kook Ewo)

I’m including this opening sequence, even though it makes my skin itchy, because it’s super disturbing.  I actually meant to see this movie way back when it first came out because the trailer rocked my face off and Sarah Polley is fantastic.  But the title designers knocked me over again… by grossing me out.

2. Ça Se Soigne? (Deubal)

Oh, the French!  How they make such wonderful whimsical things that sing with romance and delight.  This animated title sequence is truly captivating and full of imagination.  The build-up is so organic and fluid, it just takes you for a ride… a ride filled with joy and whimsy.

1. Pocko/Magma (Captive)

This is freaking adorable.  This was created for an exhibition of customized Russian Matryoshka dolls.  “An uncompromised homage to the title sequence of Dr. No,” it’s also so cute I can’t stand it.

Facebook may have begun as a way to keep tabs on other college students but it’s evolved over the years into one of the largest gaming platforms ever created. Millions of people log in every day to play popular games such as Farmville and Mafia Wars, while others play Texas Hold Em poker or puzzle games such as Bejeweled. With tens of thousands of Facebook games available — and nearly all of them free to play — there are plenty of options to choose from no matter what type of game you prefer.

1. Farmville

Love it or hate it, Farmville is one of the most popular and addictive Facebook games out there, letting players maintain and expand their farming operations with a variety of add-ons and help from their Facebook friends. You get all you need for your basic farm but many add-ons cost additional Facebook coints that can be purchased.

2. Mafia Wars

Made by Zynga (the same creators of Farmville), Mafia Wars works in a similar war as far as players relying on friends for help to advance through the game and build their own mafia family from the ground up.

3. Bejeweled Blitz

Bejeweled began as a very popular PC game but the Facebook version is wildly popular as well, letting players and their Facebook friends compete for the top score on the leaderboard as well as win other prizes and contests based on their cumulative weekly scores.

4. CityVille

Yet another game from Zynga that adds a twist to the builder game genre, this one is the largest game on Facebook, offering players the chance to put on their hard hats and build a virtual city from the ground up.

5. Zynga Poker

Zynga dominates the top Facebook game lists and that’s true of the poker game category as well, with millions of players getting their poker fix in each week by playing at Zynga Poker via Facebook.

6. Restaurant City

Another popular game by Zynga, Restaurant City is similar to Farmville but the difference is the method of playing the game. You have to manage your money, your employees, and the restaurant’s type of dishes.

7. Ninja Saga

A Flash RPG game that allows players to create and customize your very own ninja. This game is inspired by and similar to the Naruto anime/manga series. With the wonderful artwork, fun game play no wonder this game has millions of monthly active users.

8. Car Town

A game for car enthusiasts as it features real cars but in a cartoony way. Customize your
avatar and garage, earn money from races, and collect awesome cars. The progress is slow at first but once you get going, players will able to buy more exotic cars.

9. PetVille

This game is similar to it’s rival (Pet Society) but in this game your virtual pet behaves more like a person. Every pet can dance, do Kung Fu kicks, and even put on a rock show to entertain players.

10. FrontierVille

This game combines elements from other Zynga games to create an authentic game. The game is fun and players as lots to do such as farming, looking after your animals, building your own home and even raising your won family.

There are more than 20 million Tumblr blogs at last count. 20 million. Stumble in any direction online and you’ll find yourself drowning in an endless scroll of GIFs, photoshopped velociraptors and OFWGKTA. Tumblrs on everything from cheese people to hungover owls redefine the notion of impulse sharing and spreadable content. But how to sift through the Rowling-vs-Meyer-Rant Tumblrs and Nyan Cat Tumblrs?

Here are ten places you might want to start. I tried to balance the three types of Tumblrs I most often come across:

1. The Ridiculously Specific Tumblr, like Uncomfortable Moments with Putin – sometimes LOLworthy in its laser focus on the mundane, usually has Fuck Yeah in the title.

2. Inpsiration Feed, like Incredibilis – scroll through mind-bending photos and quotes and come out creatively charged/disgusted.

3. Simple Promise – high concept Tumblrs that pique curiosity and only sometimes fulfill the promise of the premise.

So, without further adieu: ten Tumblrs to reblog to your heart’s content, inflating your own Tumblr into deity-like status.

10. Poem Endings/Song Endings

A simple enough premise, Poem Endings and Song Endings serve up a daily last line/verse from poems & songs. It’s the variety I like – with Song Endings, you get Das Racist followed by Leonard Cohen, neighboring Ice Cube, with a dab of Joni Mitchell for good measure. Poem Endings has the same thing going, if you’re a poetry buff – good mix of the confessionals, beats, contemporary and old school poets.

9. Pretty Colors

Pantone heaven.

8. I Studied Abroad In Africa

The blog says it best:

You go to one of those fabulously elitist schools where everyone talks about privilege, classism, racism, sexism, etc. as if they don’t practice it in real life. But in order to really see the world, they decide to go somewhere where they can understand what their privilege looks like. So they choose AFRICA! Yay! A whole continent dedicated to helping white people understand what it means to be poor and undeveloped.

7. Animated Albums

Because scrolling through this Tumblr lets you edit your memories of those 3-hour Tower Records binges, so that all the shelves were chock full of GIFed out CDs.

6. I’m Remembering!

Nostalgia served daily for late Gen Xers and early Millenials. If you were born between ’75-’85, get set adrift on memory bliss. It’s the 80s treasures this blogger digs up that makes this Tumblr brilliant. Remember Popples?

5. The Only Magic Left Is Art

The Tumblr that’s an art museum – a single artist’s work, updated weekly. As wonderful as it sounds.

4. Kim Jong Il Looking At Things

Sure, there’ve been plenty of classic Dictator novels, but do any of them do a better job showing off the daily tedium of being a tyrant than this Tumblr? It’s also fucking hilarious.

3. Better Book Titles

My personal favorite.

This blog is for people who do not have thousands of hours to read book reviews or blurbs or first sentences. I will cut through all the cryptic crap, and give you the meat of the story in one condensed image. Now you can read the greatest literary works of all time in mere seconds!

 

2. Fuck Yeah Eyegasms

The purest distillation of what Tumblrs are all about – cataloguing images that will melt your face off.

1. This Isn’t Happiness

The gold standard of curated content, this is the Tumblr to end all Tumblrs.

Honorable Mention: Names I Call My Junk

Celebrities, authors, philosophers and other luminaries – all brought together by the author’s penchant for naming his member.

10. Recruiting

It is no secret that stability is not something that is very common in the online world. There are hundreds of thousands of guilds in existence at any given time and absolutely nothing that limits a player’s ability to move from one to another. Most guilds will cease to exist within a matter of months, which is the ultimate indicator of poor stability. Those groups that remain often have a high percentage of new faces every few months.

Recruiting, in my opinion, is the cornerstone to building stability. If you let the wrong people into your organization many bad things happen. First, their conflicting views, approaches or methods will create problems that need to be dealt with. When you are busy trying to build a successful organization, you can’t keep fighting fires all day long. Design and implement a recruiting practice that attracts compatible people in personality, goals and play style to increase your chances for success.

9. Rules

The other major factors that can affect stability and success of any guild, especially a fledgling one are your rules and policies. While this goes hand in hand with recruiting, the consideration of what rules and policies to put in place is not something to be taken lightly. When rules and policies exist that are not clearly in line with your guild vision or that do not directly support that vision, they create friction.

As you establish your guild, before you start recruiting members, attempt to articulate your vision for the guild, how you intend to reach that vision, and what rules you need to put in place to support that vision. Write all of that down and have someone you trust read through it. Ask them if they feel your vision is clear, if your plan to reach the vision sounds viable, and if the rules you created to support that plan do in fact support the vision. Make sure the person is someone you trust because if they don’t understand why you have a rule to wear fuzzy bunny slippers at all times, you need to be able to articulate why or change/remove the rule if wearing fuzzy bunny slippers does not truly support your plan for world domination.

8. Enforcement

If there is one truism for creating virtual communities it is that you will encounter issues. Those are often more frequent that you’d like when your guild is starting out. When there is an issue, jump in immediately and mediate a resolution. If you don’t know how to mediate a dispute, you probably shouldn’t be trying to lead an organization of people to begin with. There are lots of books on that topic so I am not going to try and teach you here. The point is to step in immediately and find a solution. Often, that solution is simply to clear up the miscommunication. You have no emotional baggage tied to the dispute so fairly evaluate both sides and diffuse it before things explode. That has the obvious benefit of preventing the immediate issue from getting out of hand. It also has a more hidden but much more important benefit. The rest of your guild is watching. They see how you act in those situations. Your successful handling of those problems will mean they are more likely to come to you for help before they overreact to something.

7. Culture

Building a community/guild/clan culture is inevitable. The shared experiences of your members will cause some form of culture to come into being. That culture can either be the glue that binds the team together or it can be the most outwardly obvious symptom as to why the guild is going to fall apart.

Culture is defined (by www.dictionary.com) as “the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group.” Each of us participates in a number of different cultures .. at work.. at home.. with friends etc.. If you are a member of a guild you are also part of that culture.

The key to creating, growing and maintaining the right culture in your guild is rooted in many of our other top 10 items. Recruiting once again plays a critical role either in support of or directly against forming a positive culture. Mismatched personnel who are constantly getting on each other’s nerves or who have differing play styles can contribute to creating a non-supportive culture. So once again, right from the start of a guild, recruiting forms the basis for yet another building block of a successful, long-term guild. If you have to choose where to invest your time, it needs to be in good recruiting.

Another area in which the guild leadership can influence culture is through rules and policies. More specifically, how those policies are implemented and enforced can have a profound impact on whether there is a positive or negative culture in the guild. On a day to day basis, one of the most important things a guild leader can do is to fairly and consistently enforce guild rules. That doesn’t mean that everyone will necessarily agree with every decision made but if those decisions are shown to be consistent and fair with past precedence then those negative tendrils have a much harder time taking root in your guild culture.

6. Understanding

If someone told you that in order to be a successful community that you needed to be understanding it might not make intuitive sense at first but without understanding a guild cannot be successful. Understanding is a quality that directly supports and contributes to stability and it is something you cannot mandate into existence. It has to be nurtured and grown and sometimes fought for.

Let’s begin by defining what I mean when I say you need to have understanding to be a successful guild. Although voice communications are increasingly commonplace, the primary interaction people have with each other within the virtual world is text-based. Even within voice communication the non-verbal cues that would normally add context to a comment are not present. There are a variety of facts and figures floating around about how much of communication is non-verbal but regardless of which study is taken as fact, non-verbal communication (gestures, facial expressions, and body language) is an important and often central aspect to effective understanding.

Since the online world is predominantly text and voice based for our interactions, the likelihood there will be a misunderstanding is very high. When misunderstandings happen within virtual communities, they are tough to spot; even tougher to manage; and often lead to permanent, negative consequences.

The difference between a successful organization and one that implodes is understanding. Organizations that are successful have figured out a way to compensate for the text based and voice based communication issues so that misunderstandings are far less explosive and far less likely to result in instability.

5. Compatibility

Another major factor in determining a guild’s ability to be a long-term success is compatibility. While this criterion is interrelated to the other topics we have covered, especially recruiting, there is more to it than just saying, “We all get along!” There are several different layers to compatibility that we will explore with each layer being important to the long-term success of the guild. The four core layers of compatibility that you need to ensure exist within your guild are:
• Compatibility of your members
• Compatibility of your leadership team
• Compatibility of your rules with your goals
• Compatibility of your goals with your game

As you move forward with establishing or fostering your guild, take into account that compatibility is very important. Only recruit people who are compatible with your guild values and goals. Promote to leadership only people with that extra level of compatibility needed to work together even during the most difficult of circumstances. Create rules that are compatible with the goals and values of your guild. Set goals that are compatible with the gaming worlds you choose to occupy. If you forget to do even one of those things you will be introducing instability into your guild that will corrupt your culture and shake loose the walls of your fortress, causing it to tumble down around you.

4. Excellence

We play games to achieve great things, to be the hero, to be excellent. We expect excellence in the games we play and it is pretty obvious what happens to gaming titles that fail to meet the level of excellence we require. Players demand excellence in their games. When they do not get excellence in their games, they move on to another game.

Players demand excellence in their guilds in the exact same way they demand it of their games. Players are investing their valuable time in the guild and therefore they demand a fair return on their investment. It is a transaction like any other in life. While the currency is time and commitment the process is still a transaction. That transaction is the same as going to the store and buying a gallon of milk or paying your bill to play a month of your current MMORPG.

When a person joins your guild, they are paying you with their loyalty, commitment and, most of all, with their time. They invest those things in your vision, goals and processes and they demand excellence in return. If you offer an inferior or defective product, they will purchase a new product from someone else. Your guild is a commodity and not a very valuable one when it first starts out. You have no track record of success. You have little of value to offer anyone other than your promises for the future. You have, at the very least, thousands of direct competitors on your server all vying for the same pool of members and many of them have a more established track record than you do.

There are lots of ways to be excellent in the online gaming world and most of those ways are things players will demand of their guilds, whether they realize it or not. Failing to be excellent in those areas leads to those negative tendrils weaving their way into your guild culture, weakening the walls of your fortress.

3. Size

Bigger is better, right? That is what popular culture seems to teach us. However, within the online gaming world that is not a correct statement. The “best” size for a guild is the size that directly supports the goals of the guild in exactly the optimal way. So size is a tricky topic. If you focus on size as an end goal of your guild, then you will end in disaster. However, if you don’t have an appreciation for the size needed to achieve your goals that can lead to a failure to deliver ‘Excellence’ to your members and therefore also cause a guild failure.

Size, for the sake of size, has a major hidden drawback. That drawback is that if your members do not know each other well enough, then they will fail to develop the necessary understanding needed to avoid drama and blow-ups.

Not having enough size is a problem as well. If you do not have enough people to fully staff the events, raids and hunts that you plan to move your guild goals forward then you have two options. Either you can cancel the plans or you can bring in outsiders to fill the gap. Regularly canceling plans can send the message that the guild is unable to provide the excellence your members demand.

Player expectations are very mature these days. They have big expectations of the guilds they will lend their services to. When forming a guild, understanding what size you need to be and how fast you can reasonably achieve that size is a key factor in meeting player expectations. There are consequences to growing too fast, too slow, with the wrong mix of people or using the wrong criteria for measuring your recruits. There is no universal right answer for size except to say that the right size for your guild is the number of people you need to support your goals and your ability to deliver your services in an excellent manner. Your members are like Goldilocks. They don’t want the guild to be too big or grow too fast. They don’t want the guild to be too small or grow too slowly. They want it just right. And if you can’t provide that, someone else already can.

2. Stay Focused

One of the most challenging aspects of creating and running a guild is staying focused on executing your plan. Society today has a heavy dose of instant gratification mixed into it. When you couple that with the fact that in a Massively Multiplayer Game there is always someone who is ahead of you or nipping at your heels, then we tend to impose pressure on ourselves to move faster and take shortcuts.

It is a natural human reaction to look around and see characters in better armor and feel like you need to be doing something more or something different so you can have those things. It is natural to compare oneself to other people and then try to take a shortcut to get to where they are faster. We have all heard the adage about the grass being greener on the other guy’s lawn. The same applies in gaming, except with the added kicker of “well if he can do it, so can I.” While that is probably true, since games are increasingly designed to be accessible to more players, if you rush through your plan you will undermine your goals before you achieve them.

Stay focused. It is tempting to think we are the exception to the rule, that we are smarter than human nature, that our personality will be powerful enough to allow us to take shortcuts and still emerge victorious. Taking those shortcuts will result in failure. No matter how smart you are and how motivated you are when you start playing with the expectations of players, you are playing with things beyond your control and much like feeding a wild animal, you will get bitten.

1. Reboot!

If you have made it through all these steps and your guild still implodes despite your best efforts, the good news is that the online world allows for nearly infinite retries. You can try again in the same gaming world.. you can switch to a new world.. you can create a whole new persona if you want. You can use the same guild format or pick an entirely new one. The sandbox of online gaming allows you to try to build the perfect sand castle over and over again. But… if you have reached this point… you likely tried and failed at least once. Review the reasons you failed and be completely honest with yourself. You only waste your time if you mislead yourself by blaming anything other than the true root causes. Find those causes and figure out what you will do differently this time around to reach a different and better outcome.

Building a successful community is an art… not a science. The principles discussed above are what you need to focus on but correctly applying them, in the right amounts, at the right moments in time, to create the exact entity that you wish to create is not as simple as mixing the right amount of flour, eggs and sugar and baking it for the right amount of time. The recipe differs for everyone so use any failures you may come across as opportunities to evaluate your recipe and tweak it for the next try.

All of those topics, and more, are discussed in great detail in Beyond The Legend . If you are creating an online community, guild or clan then you should make the time to read the book and avoid the landmines so many others have stepped on before you.