Is Andrew WK the Messianic Christ?

I’ve suspected for a long time that there might be holy or eschatological implications for the coming of the Andrew WK. The evidence is all there, but today’s article in New York Magazine seals the deal. The evidence is officially overwhelming.

Why Andrew WK Is Probably the Messianic Christ

1. His songs are all about bringing people together and celebrating positive energy and communal happiness.

2. He has recently become a motivational speaker at colleges.

3. His next album is to be titled Young Lord.

4. He always performs with a trickle of blood on his shirt (wouldn’t be as visible on the hands/feet…)

5. He opened a positive-vibe club in NYC called Santos, of all things.

6. His first album was called I Get Wet (Matthew 3:13-17)

7. His second album was called The Wolf (Matthew 7:15)

8. He more or less seems like the coolest, nicest guy of all time… since Jesus.

9. His song Ready to Die is as eschatological as you can get.

10. If Jesus was returning to bring his message of peace, love and possibly the end of the world, who else would he appear as, if not Andrew WK?

And Andrew WK, if you Google Alert your name- I love you, man. Hope to see you at Santos. I’ll bring the high five.