Top Ten Chick Anthems Of The Decade

Hello friends. You may not recognize me because I’m new to the Popten scene. Hotchachaaa. However, upon being summoned by the Lord to join forces with these peeps, I decided I would pay homage to my diva roots and reminisce on what I believe were the greatest chick anthems of the decade. Keep this in mind, though: I’m not sampling softies like Celine or Bette or even the lady who did the Country Crock commercials back in the dizzay. I’m talking BAMFFemales who also know how to get crafty with a curling iron. Na’mean? Here goes.

10. Christina Aguilera – Beautiful

I must admit that I’m not a huge fan of this former Mousketeer/Genie/Tramp/Wife. I do have a smidge more respect for good ol’ Xtina these days now that she finally got her head screwed on straight and bottled herself blond again. However, the best thing to come out of Ms. Aguilera’s Goth Glam S&M phase was this inspiring song. Yes, it’s a ballad, and yes, it could apply to dudes, but I stand firm on this one making it into my list. And not just because one of my friends is in the video (I’m not telling you who. Sorry, but we just met. ). Its message is extremely powerful (for a pop song), and although the visuals were controversial at the time, gave palpable substance to the old adage, “it’s what’s on the inside that counts”.

9. Lily Allen – Knock ‘Em Out

Lily Allen, where are you now? I miss the days of spoken word sass in songs. I think the last time I felt so good about this kind of interlude verbiage was when I first heard Salt n’ Pepa’s “None of Your Business”. Which I still listen to on a regular basis, might I add. My favorite get-out-of-my-face-you-creep line comes at the end when she says in her adorable accent, “I’ve got herpes!” Yeah, ladies, how many times have we used THAT one? Hollerrrrrrrr!

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8. Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha

Judging by her lackluster commentary on NBC’s “The Sing-Off”, I can say without any hesitation that Nicole Scherzinger better hope her botox specialist keeps her lookin’ fresh, because all she’s boasting besides a smokin’ bod is a hot air balloon ride for one. However, when backed by four ferociously fierce females and a kick-ass booty bass, she actually inspires me to grab my pimp cane, drop a dollar in the jukebox, and channel my inner seductress on top of the bar.

7. Lady Sovereign – Love Me Or Hate Me

In this gem of a ditty, Lady Sovereign spits the following brilliance:

“I’m fat, I need a diet.
No, in fact I’m just here lying
And I ain’t got the biggest breast-s-s, but I write all the best disses.”

Amen, woman. Who gives a crap about manicures and cup sizes when you are a five-foot sprite with a smart-a** mouth? You got street cred, and that’s worth more than any bling chillin’ in a turquoise box. I used to run to this song and mouth the words as I pounded the pavement. Needless to say, I got more than a few petrified looks. BOOYEEEEAH. Where’s mah brass knuckles?

6. Le Tigre – Deceptacon

Although this one came out in October of ‘99, I decided to include it because:

a) I can.
b) I like punk.
c) Most everyone I know (including dudes) LOVES remembering this song when I put it on a mix.
d) Their name is “Le Tigre”.
e) The title is the slightly modified name of a Transformer.
f) They riff on a doo-wop oldie from the 60’s.
g) All of the above plus some Wild Turkey. You know, for fun.

5. The Donnas – Take It Off

I was introduced to The Donnas back in 2001 by a friend of an ex-BF, who is now the front woman of a successful garage pop band that seems to kick it just about every other night on the New York music scene. I’m terribly proud to owe her my debts for passing along this single and changing my life. Who knew that my days revering Hole and Veruca Salt were to be resurrected? I die over the charging guitar riffs and the collective shouts in the chorus. AND they’ve all got great hair. Girl crush!

4. Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl

Gwendola Stefania of California. You’ve come a long way from your No Doubt roots and done blossomed yourself into a pop icon. I did love you in the days of not speaking on Sunday morning, walking into spiderwebs, and just, you know, being a girl and stuff. I think I fell in love with you all over again when you brought this funky marching band jam into my repertoire. It’s totally catchy and so totally cheese, but for whatever reason, this song fueled many a night of pre-party antics and stomp-clapping to my heart’s content. I think I even attempted to rouse a march of my own one time by shouting “B-A-N-A-N-A-S” down the street. A couple of people snickered and others yawned. But boy did it feel GOOD. Maybe if I had worn a half shirt and majorette skirt I would have gotten a few more followers.

3. Britney Spears – Stronger

I own about four of Brit Brit’s CDs. I love the middle two more than the first and last. I don’t listen to them much anymore. I was terrified at her downfall. I’m glad she had the good sense to put herself on the all-natural Acai Berry™ diet because she was looking a bit flabby in her teeny Miamikini. I fear for her children. But, at the very least, they’ll always have this wicked spunky anthem as a reminder of their mama’s heyday. Hopefully she listened to this as inspiration to put down the bat and grow back her hair. Congrats, Britney. You’ll be back to ho’in and crowin’ in no time.

2. Beyoncé – Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

Well, OF COURSE Beyoncé is on this list. CHILE! I honestly wanted to throw all those DC songs on here, like “Say My Name” and “No, No, No (Pt. 2)”, with a dash of “Irreplaceable” at the end for flavor. When push came to shove, though, I settled on the most recent of Ms. Knowles’ chartbusters, namely because of the way that every woman in America sings it at the top of her lungs when it plunges through a speaker. I’ve even heard this in a Duane Reade and felt the urge to “WHA A OH UH UH OH OH OH OH UH UH OH “ down the aisle. I wonder how men feel about this song, though. I’ve actually never asked one. (Opinions welcome.)

1. Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone

Hot damn, Kelly. You nailed it. Tugging at our heartstrings and reminding us of all our failed attempts at lasting love, this boulder of a pop song holds meaning for anyone who has felt the bitter sting of a rejection, particularly one that bludgeons you on the back of the head with a two by four and then douses the open wound with a bottle of rubbing alcohol. Remember all the crying you did into your pillow? The facebook stalking? The futile attempts at “Baby please I miss you so much remember when we used to crack up at the daily show together while eating sushi on the couch wasn’t that fun didn’t that mean anything to you it meant so much to me because I love you so much” emails? Nope. And you know why? Good ol’ Kell was there, grabbing you by the balls and saying, “Snap out of it, for Christ’s sake! You better realize you never needed that damaged, miserable, funky-smelling punk-a** in the first place, so go start having sex with as many people as you can because you only deserve the best. “ Hallelujah, holy sh*t. And thus, she’s my vote for numero uno on this list.

Honorable Mention:

Peaches – I Don’t Give A F***

‘Nuff said.