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Alright so I have to admit that my household now has a yearly subscription to US Weekly, and I’m absolutely fixated on celebrities. Not that I wasn’t before, but now I feel bombarded gossip.
For six dates Jessica Simpson has been courting Billy Corgan. They just recently split, and the reason why Corgan says was because (drum roll), “We were both really different personalities”.
Other hilarious Corgan statements included:
“I like classic movies, and she likes reality TV”
“I like talking about philosophy, the meaning of life and deeper issues, and she had nothing to say”
“Our best dates were when we had a distraction, like a sports – game but when that was over,” cue the awkward silence.
What? Are you serious Billy? I’m just unsure how you didn’t walk into this with your eyes open. I actually slightly perturbed, and curious as to what possessed you to give this one the college try. Maybe this is just some weird segue into Billy producing her ultra-strange next album. Here is to hoping this turns into the strangest creative marriage of all time. In the off chance it is ~ I want to direct the music video to “Tonight Tonight Part Deux”.
I think Billy had a case of “wanting to see how the normals do it”, and by “do it”, I mean having sex. Maybe he’s just a little bored of drug-fueled, black paint smeared, candlelit goth orgies with underaged, slightly overweight groupies. I mean, shit, even I’M getting bored of that stuff. He probably wanted to know if it’s true that “blondes do it better”, or at least supermodel blondes. And he learned the lesson that all men who pursue extremely beautiful women learn – it’s not worth it. Because you’re only having sex maybe 10% of the time – the rest is, you know, talking and stuff.
So Billy, as a former fan, let me congratulate you bro. You “hit it and forgit it” like a champ.
I think Billy had a case of “wanting to see how the normals do it”, and by “do it”, I mean having sex. Maybe he’s just a little bored of drug-fueled, black paint smeared, candlelit goth orgies with underaged, slightly overweight groupies. I mean, shit, even I’M getting bored of that stuff. He probably wanted to know if it’s true that “blondes do it better”, or at least supermodel blondes. And he learned the lesson that all men who pursue extremely beautiful women learn – it’s not worth it. Because you’re only having sex maybe 10% of the time – the rest is, you know, talking and stuff.
So Billy, as a former fan, let me congratulate you bro. You “hit it and forgit it” like a champ.
You’re right Dan. You’re absolutely right.
You’re right Dan. You’re absolutely right.
He dd it all for the nookie.
He dd it all for the nookie.